I spent more than twenty years finding you, so how could I leave you so easily?
As usual, after dinner, I went for a walk with Wang Yan and climbed a small hill to watch the sunset.
He suddenly smiled and asked me, "Yue Mi, why do you always carry a dagger with you? Are you afraid that I might do something inappropriate before we’re married?"
I bit his arm and took out a pitch-black silver dagger that emitted a strange fragrance to show him. "This dagger was given to me by my master long ago. He told me to carry it with me always, saying it can ward off evil, protect me, and keep me healthy."
"Yue Mi has a master?" Wang Yan raised an eyebrow slightly, and the evening glow brushed a faint blush across his jade-like cheeks.
"I used to be weak and sickly. When I was ten, my father invited a master to help nurse me back to health. The master said he had two hobbies in life, one of which was taking on disciples, so I became his student, and he gave me this silver dagger. Later, my health gradually improved, but I haven't seen him in years. My father said the master has taken in more disciples than there are sparrows in our courtyard, so he probably doesn't remember who I am anymore." I recalled that person, always dressed in red, and suddenly felt a bit nostalgic.
"An interesting person. Yue Mi, you're really lucky—you have a father who spoils you and a master who cares for you, and now you've given up everything to be with me. But all I can offer you is my true heart…"
I gently shook my head. "Don't say that. As long as I can be with you, I'm not afraid of any hardship. Promise me, Wang Yan, no matter what happens, don't leave me."
"I spent more than twenty years finding you, so how could I leave you so easily?"
Wang Yan smiled tenderly. His white robes fluttered in the wind, and his pitch-black eyes gazed at me as if they could engulf everything in the world.
I met Wang Yan a year ago when the tutor my father hired for me suddenly fell seriously ill. His student came to teach me music and chess in his place for a while. That day, I was lazy again and got up late, dragging myself to the pavilion. Wang Yan was already there, playing the qin, his eyes lowered, looking like someone from a painting. We fell in love at first sight, and as time passed, our feelings grew uncontrollably.
The Lin family had only one heir for generations. My mother died in childbirth, and my father, deeply in love, never remarried or took concubines. Our household was sparsely populated, and I was weak and sickly from a young age. Though the Lin family wasn't of noble lineage, they had been merchants for generations and were quite wealthy. My father adored me and always catered to my every whim. He was cautious about arranging my marriage, ensuring the other family was of impeccable background and appearance. At the time, I thought that girls always had to marry eventually, so I secretly went to see the match and, not finding any faults, agreed. But I hadn't expected to meet Wang Yan, who stole my heart, and naturally, I refused to go through with the marriage. My father said a gentleman must keep his word and didn't allow me to break the engagement. Little did I know, he secretly threatened and tempted Wang Yan behind my back, looking down on him for having no wealth or power, just because of his humble background.
So, like the stories of scholars and ladies in books and plays, I eloped with Wang Yan. We settled in this place called Yuan City. Although I had brought a large sum of money and valuables when we left home, Wang Yan refused to use a penny of it. We bought a small house in the suburbs, spending nearly all of his savings. Wang Yan laughed optimistically, ruffling my hair. "How could a man not be able to support his own wife?"
Indeed, Wang Yan was full of talent but never seemed interested in fame and fortune. I didn't want him to become an official either, and even when my father tried to hinder us, I never encouraged him to take the civil exams and then come to marry me. After all, it's hard to be an honest official, and I despise corrupt ones. With Wang Yan's stubborn nature, hard as a piece of wood, he'd only make me worry more. I just wanted to find a man as deeply loving as my father, who would treat me well and spend more time with me.
We chose an auspicious day, and Wang Yan and I finally bowed to heaven and earth in front of our neighbors, becoming husband and wife and starting a new life. Wang Yan became a teacher at a private school, selling paintings and calligraphy in his spare time, and writing letters for people. I put away my girlish mischief and tried to learn how to manage the household properly, but Wang Yan was always afraid I'd tire myself out. As soon as he came home, he'd rush to do everything. Worried I’d be bored, he even fenced off part of the yard to plant flowers and raise little chickens and ducks.
At night, I loved to lie in his arms and listen to him tell stories from old books. When he was in the mood, he'd compose poems for me, reciting them while nibbling on my earlobe. Our nights were full of passion, and our days were far from bitter, filled with love and joy.
In the blink of an eye, more than half a year had passed. Occasionally, my maid Xiaoxiang would send word of home through someone. When I left, my father was furious, but he didn't send anyone to find me. He locked himself in his room for a day and night and then forbade anyone to mention me again. I guess his heart was broken, and he no longer intended to recognize me as his daughter.
Recently, I heard my father's health wasn't good. Thinking of how I couldn't be by his side to fulfill my filial duty made me anxious and distracted. Wang Yan noticed my sleepless nights and melancholy and, in the middle of the night, carried me outside to enjoy the flowers.
In the moonlight, the peonies we had transplanted when we first arrived were in full bloom, a sea of crimson, breathtakingly beautiful, bathed in a silver glow, adding a touch of mystery to their splendor. Wang Yan poured a cup of wine, drank it in one gulp, and played "Phoenix Seeks His Mate" on the qin for me. I danced in the wind, smiling at him, wishing this moment could last forever.
Wang Yan fed me wine and pressed me down beneath the peonies, kissing me with an intensity I'd never experienced before. "Yue Mi, I wish I had met you years earlier."
I panted, biting his fingers lightly. "Aren't we together now? But one day, when I grow old and lose my beauty, Wang Yan, will you still love me like this?"
Wang Yan vowed, "Even if the seas dry up and the rocks crumble, I will never betray you."
The petals of the peonies fluttered down, layer upon layer, creating a dreamy, colorful scene before my eyes. Exhausted, I dozed off for a while. When I woke up, the moonlight was still shining brightly. I was wrapped in Wang Yan's robe, resting my head on his lap, feeling neither cold nor uncomfortable. Wang Yan was always so considerate.
I opened my eyes to look at him. He was casually draped in his inner clothes, his arm exposed, holding a wine jug, drinking in large gulps. Amid the intoxicating fragrance, his profile was colder than I had ever seen.
The two rows of scars on his arm had faded but remained deeply etched in my heart.
It happened three months after we met. I was already deeply in love with Wang Yan, but he was still wary of my status as a lady, keeping his distance from me. I was curious about him, asking all sorts of questions. When he told me his favorite thing to do was to climb to the top of a mountain at dawn to watch the sunrise, I pestered him to take me, even if it was just to see the sunset. Unable to refuse, he secretly took me out.
But on the way back, it got too dark, and we fell into a hunter's trap. Wang Yan got injured while pulling me out. In the pitch-black forest, the sounds of wild animals were all around, and I cried in fear. It started to rain heavily that night. Wang Yan held me tightly, comforting me that the hunter would come to check the traps and that we would be rescued. But no one came, and we were trapped for three whole days. I was hungry and scared and developed a high fever. The scars on Wang Yan's arm were from me biting him. In my delirium, he kept comforting me, telling me to drink more of his blood to stay alive, saying we would be rescued soon.
Eventually, we were found. My fever subsided, and after some recuperation, I was fine. But Wang Yan lost a lot of blood, and his wound got infected; he almost died. I cried until my heart was about to break. That was when my father found out about us. Although he hired the best doctor for Wang Yan, he forbade us from seeing each other again.
Perhaps before, my love for Wang Yan was admiration and fondness. But after surviving that ordeal together, it became something deep in my bones, an incurable disease. I entrusted him with my entire heart, and even if it meant abandoning the whole world, I had to be with him.
No matter how much Wang Yan praises my beauty, I know it's just that love is blind. I'm rather plain, my needlework is terrible, and I'm not good at music, chess, or poetry. The only thing I'm a little better at than other girls is cooking. Though I grew up with servants, I'm not entirely unfamiliar with household chores, and I often cooked for my father. So now, with nothing else to do, I always try different dishes to please Wang Yan's palate.
He picked up his chopsticks and tasted the steamed perch I had just made, raising his eyebrows in admiration. "Even though it's the same dish, Yue Mi, what you make tastes different from the restaurants outside."
"How is it different?" I asked, feeling a bit proud.
Wang Yan looked at the tender, fragrant fish in the dish, which seemed to quiver slightly, and shook his head. "I can't explain it; it just tastes very fresh, the texture is perfect."
"Your wife is so capable; will you take her to see the shadow play tonight?" I asked playfully.
Wang Yan widened his eyes. "But we've already watched it for ten nights in a row."
I burst into laughter and clung to him, playfully whining, "But I really want to know how the story ends."
"I can tell you the story; I know them all."
"No, no, you can't perform like they do."
Wang Yan helplessly patted my head. "Alright, alright, I'll take you."
But that night, just as the play was at its climax, a neighbor rushed over to tell us that our house was on fire. We hurried back, and though the fire was put out, most of the house was destroyed. It started in the kitchen. I had been simmering soup when we left, and I guess I hadn't properly covered the stove, and a spark ignited the woodpile. The home we had worked so hard to build over the past half-year was gone, along with the money and Wang Yan's many paintings and calligraphy.
Wang Yan kept comforting me, saying it was okay as long as we were safe. Thinking about it, I agreed. As long as Wang Yan was by my side and we were both safe and sound, nothing else mattered.
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