Everyone believes they are the protagonist of their own story, but the saddest moment comes when they realize they are merely a supporting character.
Half a year had passed in the blink of an eye, and Xiaoxiang suddenly brought news that my father was gravely ill. Wang Yan and I rushed back to the Lin residence. In just a year, my father had aged significantly, sitting weakly at the bedside, beckoning me over. I held him and wept, repeatedly admitting my mistakes, but he didn’t seem angry at all; he only asked if I had been well. His illness fluctuated for a month before worsening, and on the night before he passed away, he told me that if anything happened, I should go to Mount Baiwu to find Master Danshen. Then he was gone.
I had to take care of the funeral arrangements and assume responsibility for the Lin family business. In the past, my father had tried to teach me accounting and management, but I had no interest in learning. Now, with no one to inherit the family, my father had placed his hopes on my husband, but Wang Yan wasn’t interested in business, which I suspect was one of the reasons my father disapproved of him. Even though the steward handled most matters, I still had plenty to worry about.
Wang Yan found a teaching position at a nearby school, and our life seemed much the same as before, except I was no longer so carefree. Another three years passed, and perhaps due to the strain, my health deteriorated. I frequently coughed and showed signs of my old illness returning. In the twelfth month, I caught a severe cold and was bedridden for over half a month.
Wang Yan resigned from the school to take care of me at home and was forced to start managing some of the household affairs. Sometimes I wished I had a brother or a son to help, and I often missed our small house in Yuan City, thinking of the little chickens and ducks I used to raise in the yard.
We consulted many doctors, but my illness persisted, with the coughing worsening, accompanied by frequent tinnitus, dizziness, and a constant state of drowsiness. I often woke from nightmares, drenched in sweat, feeling as if I had died and come back to life. In my dreams, I was abandoned in the wilderness, wild beasts devouring my organs, and eagles pecking at my eyes. I was awake but completely paralyzed. Upon waking, I was drenched in cold sweat, with the sensation of having narrowly escaped death. I became like a child, prone to tantrums, clinging to Wang Yan, insisting he stay by my side at all times. He always complied, taking me for walks in the garden, cooking soups for me, and taking me horseback riding and kite flying when the weather was nice.
Although my condition gradually improved, I became somewhat paranoid, often experiencing headaches, nausea, and various hallucinations. Lately, Wang Yan had been rushing out early every morning and returning very late, claiming there were problems with the business. I noticed he often looked exhausted, his face pale, and though I felt sorry for him, I couldn't help but suspect he might be seeing another woman. This continued for a month. Just as I was recovering, Wang Yan fell ill, losing a lot of weight, yet he still insisted on going out every few days. I asked Xiaoxiang to follow him, and she reported that after leaving the shop, Wang Yan would visit a strange house every day. This made me even more anxious.
I wasn’t much to look at, and now my youth was nearly gone. In the mirror, my cheekbones were prominent, my cheeks sunken, and my complexion deathly pale. Had Wang Yan grown tired of me? I was filled with jealousy and hatred, dreaming of a seductive woman in red clinging to Wang Yan, constantly tempting him. Upon waking, I found myself standing by the lotus pond, clutching a dagger, nearly fainting from fear.
Wang Yan called for a doctor, but my sleepwalking grew worse. I would wake up in different parts of the house, and rumors spread throughout the household. My mood became increasingly unpredictable, and I often flew into rages. No matter how Wang Yan cared for or tried to console me, it was no use. The figures from my dreams began to appear during the day, often floating around Wang Yan and me, smiling seductively. I yelled at them, threw books at them, telling them to stay away from Wang Yan. The servants whispered that I had gone mad.
I couldn’t stand the constant suspicion and decided to confront Wang Yan. That day, he returned home particularly early and prepared a table full of my favorite dishes.
"Yue Mi, have you forgotten? Today is your birthday, and I have a gift for you."
Wang Yan moved a red candle and, behind a screen, performed a shadow play of the story of a scholar and a young lady eloping.
"Did you enjoy it? You’ve been missing it for so long. I spent an entire month learning this, and I made these shadow puppets myself. Look, doesn’t this one resemble me, and this one resemble you?"
I threw myself into Wang Yan's arms, tears streaming down my face. So, all this time, he had been coming home late for my sake, while I had been suspecting him.
Knowing he wasn’t skilled in business, I advised him not to stress too much about it. The Lin family was large and prosperous, and even if there were losses, we could afford them. But he shook his head, saying he had to live up to my father’s memory and didn’t want others to look down on him.
After this, I finally felt somewhat at ease, but I was still vomiting a lot. Xiaoxiang suspected I was pregnant and suggested we see a doctor. Overjoyed, I decided to go to the clinic myself.
The doctor confirmed my pregnancy, and I could hardly wait to tell Wang Yan the news. When the doctor learned I was the daughter of the Lin family, he asked me to take some medicine back for Wang Yan, saying it was something he had ordered. When I looked, I saw it was all expensive tonics—ginseng, and other valuable herbs. The doctor said Wang Yan had been buying these precious herbs regularly from various pharmacies for the past two years.
I felt a vague unease. No one in the household needed such large quantities of supplements. After thinking it over, I checked the storeroom and found that many of the precious herbs had indeed been taken by Wang Yan. Cold sweat broke out all over me as I entered the secret room and carefully inspected everything. I discovered that many land deeds, jewelry, and valuable items had all disappeared.
In an instant, terror seized me as I recalled my first encounter with Wang Yan, our dangerous adventures, our elopement, and even that fire—it all seemed like part of a conspiracy. I couldn’t sleep at all that night. The next morning, as usual, Wang Yan went to the kitchen to make breakfast for me. I quietly followed him and was horrified to see him take out a bamboo tube from his robe and pour some powder into my porridge. My heart stopped, and my scalp tingled with fear.
That night, I found the bamboo tube in a cupboard, took some of the powder, and had it tested by a coroner at the local yamen. The coroner told me it was an extract of the Datura flower, which could cause hallucinations and madness. In that moment, everything became clear. I was on the brink of collapse, trembling with cold and terror, as if caught in a vast, suffocating net. I hurriedly called Xiaoxiang, gave her a large sum of silver, and instructed her to immediately go to Mount Baiwu to find someone named Master Danshen to treat me. I promised her a great reward upon her return.
Xiaoxiang, terrified, refused the money, saying, "Miss, whatever you command, I will carry out with my life. Do you still not trust me?"
I forced a bitter smile. Trust? Who can I still trust now?
All the love I had given was nothing but a lie, a cruel deception. Shocked and confused, I was filled with both resentment and anger. But before I could figure out what to do, Wang Yan made the first move.
That night, neither of us could sleep. He suddenly sat up and threw a handful of powder onto my face, and my body immediately became paralyzed. He lit a candle and picked up the silver dagger I always kept by my pillow, the blade gleaming as it reflected my face. I opened my eyes and looked at him in sorrow. I never imagined that after all these years as husband and wife, he would actually want to kill me with his own hands!
The face I knew so well, always gentle, was now expressionless. "Yue Mi, I heard that in the past two days, you secretly reviewed all the accounts in the household. You must have figured everything out by now, so why haven’t you confronted me?"
What is there to ask? The facts are clear. If I spoke out, there would be no chance of reconciliation.
A flicker of guilt passed through Wang Yan’s eyes. "You would have found out eventually, but I didn’t expect it to be so soon."
Wang Yan, I’m not a foolish woman; I never was. I was just too in love with you to see through your lies and deceit all these years!
"Xuanxuan is my childhood sweetheart. We grew up together after our parents passed away, and I’ve always taken care of her."
Xuanxuan? Her name is Xuanxuan? Suddenly, all I could stupidly think about was whether she was more beautiful than me, beautiful enough to make you do this to both her and me…
"She has a strange illness that requires a lot of money for medicine. I had no other choice."
So you deliberately approached me? Treated me well, even eloped with me? Were all those vows of eternal love just lies?
"Don’t look at me like that! A spoiled young lady like you, who grew up in luxury, will never understand how we relied on each other to survive, or how something as simple as watching a sunrise was a luxury for her! Heaven has been so cruel to us, so why can’t I be cruel to you?" Wang Yan shouted at me, his eyes filled with conflict and pain. He raised the knife and plunged the silver dagger into my chest.
I convulsed in agony, blood spurting from my mouth as I forced a bitter smile. What did I, Lin Yue Mi, do wrong in this life to deserve such a fate? Was it wrong to be born into the Lin family? Or was it wrong to fall in love with you, Shen Wangyan?
"Child… Wang Yan, please, for the sake of our child…" I struggled to speak, trying to stop him, pleading for mercy, if only for the sake of our unborn child.
Wang Yan froze, staring at me in disbelief, shaking his head frantically. "A child?"
I tried to nod, but I couldn’t move at all, so I smiled at him with all the strength I had left.
Wang Yan’s body trembled violently, his eyes filled with hesitation and regret. He looked down at his bloodstained hands, and tears fell onto my face. "Yue Mi, it’s too late. I can’t turn back. I never wanted it to come to this, but I knew you wouldn’t let me bring her into our home, so I only planned to make you lose your mind. I would have still taken good care of you. But now that you know, you’ll never spare Xuanxuan, so I had to strike first. Yue Mi, please don’t hate me…"
With that, he stabbed me again, the knife plunging deep into my heart. I closed my eyes in pain, my body growing numb and cold.
Shen Wangyan, is this what you truly think of me? Am I so cruel in your eyes that you would kill me and our own unborn child for her?
"Yue Mi…" He called my name, checked my breathing, and then, with brutal determination, drove the knife into me a third time. Blood oozed from every part of my body. Wang Yan wrapped me in a bedsheet, carried me to the back courtyard, and threw me into an old dry well, sealing the top with a large stone.
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