Spring had officially arrived, with all the flowers vying to bloom amidst the lingering remnants of snow.
Jun Qiluo’s seven-month-pregnant belly looked as if she were about to give birth; oddly, her symptoms of morning sickness only began after returning to the Jun family. The sickness almost confined her to bed, yet she insisted on sharing her father’s workload. As a result, Jun Jiangjuan would bring a large stack of parchment to her small building every day to discuss business matters.
In fact, during the months Jun Qiluo was missing, all the Jun family’s affairs were handled by Jiangjuan. This experience transformed her, shedding her youthful innocence and turning her into a mature, capable woman.
Her brother-in-law, however, took this as an opportunity to mock her, expressing relief that he had married the most "normal" woman in the Jun family. A scholar of some talent, though pedantic and old-fashioned, he often ridiculed and scorned Jun Jiangjuan at literary gatherings. This caused the young scholars who had been interested in her to reconsider, leaving the 17-year-old Jun Jiangjuan without any suitors. Her mother was nearly in tears over this.
Because of this, Jiangjuan developed a deep grudge against Zheng Shuting. Their relationship further deteriorated due to her eldest sister’s situation. Jiangjuan, with her sharp wit and intelligence, often drove Zheng Shuting to such anger that he nearly spat blood.
Jiangjuan was undoubtedly clever and quick-witted, but she lacked her elder sister’s calm and dignified composure. Otherwise, she wouldn’t have allowed that bookworm to mock her so freely. Unlike Jun Qiluo, whose cold, piercing gaze alone was enough to send the scholar retreating into a corner to reflect on his childish behavior. Thus, no matter how much he disdained or belittled Qiluo, he didn’t dare provoke her directly; instead, he ordered his wife to avoid frequent contact with her sisters, fearing they might corrupt her with improper behavior.
April in Hangzhou was picturesque, with the spring scenery drawing crowds and boosting the city’s liveliness.
However, after the beginning of spring, it was also the busiest time for the Jun family’s business.
Jun Chengliu, now advanced in age, could no longer handle the workload, especially as he was recently preoccupied with helping disaster victims. After a spring snowstorm triggered an avalanche that buried an entire village, only about a hundred out of more than five hundred people survived, most of whom were tenants of the Jun family. This alone left Jun Chengliu stretched too thin.
That’s why Jun Qiluo insisted on participating in the family’s business.
The midwife, concerned, warned her that her belly was too large, which could make childbirth difficult and potentially life-threatening. Her stepmother, with the experience of having gone through it herself, also noticed how unusually large Qiluo’s belly was. At seven months, with two and a half months still to go before her due date, no one knew how much larger it would grow.
Her body, weakened by morning sickness, couldn’t even keep down the nourishing tonics she tried to consume.
"Alright, after handling these documents, I’ll head to the business office to discuss the shipping matters," said Jun Jiangjuan, putting away the scrolls.
"Jiangjuan, just send the general manager to the office. You’re a girl, and eventually, you’ll have to marry. It’s better to avoid attracting unwanted attention."
Jiangjuan smiled faintly, "I don’t care anymore. Since Jun Feifan was killed by bandits, someone in our family has to step up. If marriage means ending up like my second sister, then I’d rather stay home all my life. Look, I’ve stopped binding my feet, and it feels so comfortable—I don’t have to cry from the pain anymore."
In the three months since returning home, Jun Qiluo hadn’t had any deep conversations with her younger sister. After all, once a woman marries, she naturally becomes more distant from her family. Even if she still lived on Jun family property, the situation remained the same.
"Zheng Shuting took a concubine?"
"Second sister found one for him," Jiangjuan replied irritably.
"What?"
"That’s why he praises her as the epitome of virtue and propriety! Last year, after you left for the Silk Road, second sister gave birth not long after. She said she’d be neglecting her duty to serve her husband because of childbirth, so she bought him a concubine! When he occasionally visits courtesans, she even has nourishing soups prepared for him, worried he might harm his health. Yes!
Now, she’s earned a reputation for wisdom and won her husband’s love, but I feel sorry for her. I understand her less and less.
She even says that a virtuous woman should manage the household and uphold standards, and should never indulge in carnal desires. Once she has a son, she should restrain herself. I swear, she could recite the Book of Women’s Admonitions backward. And my mother actually wants me to learn from her!"
Jun Qiluo couldn’t understand her younger sister’s mindset either. She had always known that Xiukun loved Zheng Shuting, even before they were married, and after marriage, they presented the image of an ideal couple. But to build such an impression like this!
Is this kind of love good? To earn her husband’s affection, she’s willing to belittle herself and distort her beliefs to conform to unreasonable norms. To most women, this probably seems normal, as they’ve always been taught this way. And she? She must be the odd one out!
She was almost beginning to wonder if she was being too demanding. But then she thought of the Shi couple. Their union, which was both loving and equal, was probably what true love should be!
If she had been strictly taught the traditional virtues of obedience and duty, without the chance to read many books or disguise herself as a man to see the world, she would likely still be lying in Yelü Lie’s arms today, basking in his affection and gratitude for his favors. He might even treat her like the beloved Yang Guifei. But after all, she is still Jun Qiluo, and her view on love demands equality and purity.
If he professed his love for her while also marrying another woman, how could she trust the sincerity of his affection?
At most, she would be just one of the many women he favored, but she didn’t want to be “one of.” She wanted it all! Heart for heart, that’s the only way it could be!
She still remembers that night’s argument, when he finally compromised under the weight of her resentment, agreeing to marry her as well and giving her a title. But what did that mean? Was she really fighting for a mere title? True love demands complete faithfulness of both body and soul—how could he call her selfish? How could he say she was calculating?
If the love of this era requires women to sacrifice themselves to fulfill it, to continuously give in and tolerate to gain a man's affection, then she wants none of it!
Yelü Lie… do you understand?
The baby in her belly kicked, startling Jiangjuan, who had her hand resting on Jun Qiluo’s rounded stomach.
"Wow! So lively! My mother says it might be a boy."
"Maybe!" she replied with a mysterious smile. Her belly was so large that she wasn’t worried; perhaps there were two little ones inside. She often felt that way, especially with the recent strong kicks, as if there was a fight going on in there.
Jun Jiangjuan swallowed nervously, hesitating to speak as she looked at her.
"If you want to ask something, just ask! You’re not one to keep things to yourself."
"Do you… love the little one in your belly?"
In truth, Jiangjuan wanted to ask: What kind of man is the father? Her elder sister was a self-respecting and proud person. If she had been violated and ended up pregnant, she would have likely taken her own life with the child, rather than allowing herself to give birth.
Since her return, everyone had wanted to know what had happened to her in those five months, but they were afraid to ask, fearing that the answer would be too unbearable and might cause her further harm. So, they all buried the topic deep in their hearts.
But Jun Jiangjuan couldn’t keep quiet. Seeing how much her elder sister cherished the unborn child only made her more confused.
Jun Qiluo looked down at her belly, her gaze dimming. How could she not understand her younger sister’s thoughts?
"I love him!"
"What kind of man is he?" What kind of man could win her elder sister’s heart?
"He…," she fell into deep thought, murmuring, "is violent and quick-tempered, takes what he wants by force, is rough and rude, domineering and overbearing, cunning…
…But he never hurt me, though I always angered him. And, he loves me, in his own way, though he never understood what I truly wanted."
"Phew!" Jiangjuan’s eyes widened in surprise. "It would have to be a man like that to suit you! But, was he really that bad?"
She smiled. "He was awful."
"As long as he loves you, that’s all that matters! Sister, you’re a beautiful woman who deserves to be loved by a man, but falling in love with you isn’t easy.
And you never share your thoughts, making it even harder to find the right way to love you. If one isn’t careful and goes the wrong way, it could lead to misunderstandings. If that man was even a bit dull, wouldn’t it all fall apart? Is he still in this world?"
"He’s dead." Her face turned pale as her sister’s innocent words brought to mind the fortune-teller Lu Buqun’s prophecy and once again reminded her of Yelü Lie’s sorrowful gaze… She and he were no longer connected in any way.
"Is that why you came home?" Jiangjuan asked, both regretful and heartbroken. Fate had never been kind to her elder sister, not even sparing her happiness…
What does love really look like? A young girl who has yet to experience the depths of love; afraid of ending up like her second sister, and also fearful of never meeting someone truly sincere in this lifetime, she would rather not marry at all! If she could, she wished to meet a man who would love her with all his heart… just like the great chancellor Fang Xuanling and his wife.
The wife of Fang Xuanling, who was famous for her jealousy, had once, in her youth, vowed not to marry another if her gravely ill husband died and had even blinded herself in one eye with scissors to prove her resolve. Later, when Fang Xuanling’s career flourished and he became a beloved minister of Emperor Taizong of Tang, the emperor wanted to reward him with a concubine, but Fang Xuanling resolutely refused and repaid his wife with genuine love.
This story was passed down through the ages, and people only laughed at Lady Fang for her strong jealousy and at Fang Xuanling for being too afraid of his wife; yet Jun Jiangjuan had shed tears over this story. To her, that was what true love really looked like!
However, the Song Dynasty is not like the Tang; in this era, there might never be another Fang Xuanling.
What there are plenty of are men like Zheng Shanting, educated through the study of Confucian classics. Zheng Shuting mocked her, saying that the most virtuous part of her was her bound feet. Now that she had unwrapped the bindings, in the eyes of those scholars, she was no longer a virtuous woman.
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