After being released from the prison and treated with good food and care, Mei Lin couldn’t figure out why she was still being kept alive. She could only conclude that it was due to the leprous doctor. Perhaps he had put in a good word for her, or maybe he still needed her to help him nurture the jade.
In the first two days, she tried to leave the city, only to be politely brought back. After that, she stopped going out altogether and didn’t even visit the leprous doctor.
Jingbei was covered in snow, and plum blossoms were everywhere, even outside her window. But she didn’t like them, so she kept her window tightly shut, not letting any air in.
If she had any lingering doubts during her capture, they dissipated the moment the antidote was delivered to her. She realized fully then that, to him, she was just a death soldier from the secret organization. In his eyes, she probably wasn’t supposed to have her own will or emotions, making it easier for him to use her or discard her. Yet, she had desires and emotions, and because she had thought of leaving the organization, she ended up in her current predicament.
What she couldn’t understand was why he didn’t just kill her. Wouldn’t that have been simpler?
She couldn’t figure it out, but she didn’t want to continue indulging in wishful thinking. Her voice was now completely gone, so she didn’t bother interacting with anyone. Instead, she asked for a Go board and books on Go, spending her days by the brazier, roasting sweet potatoes and contemplating the game.
She didn’t actually know much about Go, but she had heard that all the tricks and strategies in life were reflected on a three-foot board. With nothing else to do, she decided to learn, hoping it might make her a bit smarter. As for the doctor’s comment that she wouldn’t live much longer, she dismissed it after the antidote alleviated her pain.
Perhaps it was the experience of enduring such excruciating pain and hopelessness that made her appreciate the simple pleasure of living without suffering. Her current mindset was to take life as it came. After all, pushing for the impossible was just asking for trouble. Besides, she couldn’t help but cling to a bit of hope regarding the leprous doctor’s treatment.
What she didn’t know was that everything she did was being reported to Murong Jing He. So later, when they were together under the moon and he complained that she hadn’t thought of him at all, not even once or gone to see him, she knew he was just looking for a reason to act spoiled. He didn’t really want her to dwell on those less-than-pleasant memories, so she didn’t bring up old grievances.
To say she hadn’t thought of him at all would be a lie. Sometimes, while studying Go, she would get lost in memories of their time together, whether they were arguing or depending on each other. Even the happiest moments felt like sharp needles piercing her heart. But she wouldn’t allow herself to wallow in those feelings. She would quickly snap out of it, peel a roasted sweet potato, and focus on enjoying its sweet taste.
She had never known family or friends, so no one had taught her what was best for her. She simply liked what she liked, without questioning whether she should. Now, she was just following her heart. She wanted to live, and she wanted to live well. As for her feelings, she believed they were her own business and had nothing to do with anyone else. In the end, she still thought the problem lay with her. If one day she stopped liking him, she wouldn’t be sad anymore. So, she couldn’t really say she hated him. That’s why, when she saw him at her residence that day, she actually smiled.
She thought that if she had seen him when she first arrived in Jingbei, she would have lowered her head and ignored him, not even sparing him a glance. Back then, she was at her most heartbroken. But after all this time, the sadness had settled deep in her heart—not gone, but not enough to make her lose control. So, when she saw him, she remained calm. Even when she heard his orders, she didn’t feel the slightest bit of anger.
That day, it was snowing. Murong Jing He was dressed in a glossy black mink coat and a matching fur hat. He was seated in a palanquin lined with thick, soft bear fur, carried along the main path of the courtyard. A guard held a sky-blue oil-paper umbrella adorned with green bamboo designs over him. As they walked, two lines of footprints were left on the path, which had been swept but was quickly covered with a thin layer of snow.
Mei Lin glanced out from the half-open door and saw this scene. In that moment, her first thought was that he looked very handsome, and she couldn’t help but smile. Later, she would think back and feel embarrassed by her reaction.
Murong Jing He was initially startled by her smile, then his expression changed, and a vague irritation arose within him, the same irritation he felt every time he received reports of her activities over the past days. Sometimes, he thought that it might have been better if she had been angry or cursed him, rather than this indifferent attitude. Perhaps with that in mind, he blurted out his next words without much thought, even expecting her to mockingly reject him as she had done before in Zhongshan.
“Starting tomorrow, you will help the doctor nurture the jade.”
Mei Lin was taken aback for a moment, wondering how he knew about the jade. But as she thought about it, she realized that he did look better than when they were in Lao Wozi Village. It’s true what they say: clothes really do make the man.
Murong Jing He had no idea she was thinking about something completely unrelated. He assumed she was inwardly conflicted by his words. Just as his mood began to improve, he saw Mei Lin nod in agreement. Having already agreed and having caused the doctor to be brought to this cold, harsh place, she felt obligated to follow through. Besides, she did want to see the leprous doctor again and ask him to treat her.
Seeing that she showed no signs of anger or resentment and appeared just as she always had, Murong Jing He felt a surge of frustration. It stuck in his throat, neither going up nor down.
“Bring me a chair by the brazier,” he ordered. Originally intending to leave once he got what he wanted, he now didn’t feel like leaving at all.
The guards who had accompanied him brought over a chair, padded it with thick cushions, and helped him sit down before retreating, leaving the two of them sitting silently around the brazier.
Mei Lin was familiar with his stubborn nature, so she wasn’t surprised by his behavior. After a moment of silent staring, she lowered her head and began to poke at the sweet potatoes roasting by the fire.
Murong Jing He watched her intently and suddenly noticed that she had lost a lot of weight since he had last seen her. Her jacket hung loosely on her frame, making her look cold, which explained why she spent all day by the brazier. This realization made him unhappy, though he wasn’t sure if he was angry at Qing Yan for not taking better care of her or at himself for feeling so inexplicably unsettled.
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