Before her yoga class, Xu Yan received a call from Qiao Lin. Upon hearing that she was in Beijing, Xu Yan was surprised and suggested they meet that evening. There was a moment of silence on the other end of the line before Qiao Lin pleaded, "Where are you now? Can I come to see you?"
It had been two years since they last met. The last time was when their grandmother passed away, and Xu Yan had returned to Tai'an to collect some of her childhood belongings. As she was leaving, Qiao Lin had asked, "Are you not planning to come back?" Xu Yan replied, "You can come to Beijing to see me." Qiao Lin then asked, "Can I call you when I'm feeling down?" "Of course," Xu Yan said. Qiao Lin often called at night, sometimes crying for a long time. But she hadn't called in the past five months.
The sky outside had turned completely dark as they got into the car. The light from the streetlamp illuminated the side of Qiao Lin's face, revealing bruises on her cheekbone and the corner of her mouth. Xu Yan asked her what she wanted to eat. Qiao Lin turned her head and smiled faintly, "Something spicy will do; I can't taste anything." She straightened up, pulling the seatbelt away from her belly, and asked, "Can I not wear this? It's uncomfortable." "Keep it on," Xu Yan said. "I'm new to driving, and the car is borrowed." Qiao Lin leaned forward a bit and said, "Drive faster, take me for a spin."
The road was heavily congested. The car had barely moved a few hundred meters before stopping at an intersection. Xu Yan turned and asked, "When are Mom and Dad leaving?" Qiao Lin replied, "Tomorrow morning." Xu Yan asked, "What did you tell them?" Qiao Lin said, "I told them I was meeting a high school friend, so they didn’t mind." Xu Yan said, "If they ask about me, just say I'm on a business trip." Qiao Lin nodded, "I know, I know."
The car pulled into the mall’s underground parking lot. Xu Yan set the handbrake and told Qiao Lin they had arrived. Qiao Lin leaned back in her seat and said, "I don't want to move. This seat can even heat up, it's so comfortable." She closed her eyes as if she were about to fall asleep. Xu Yan shook her gently. Qiao Lin grabbed Xu Yan's hand, placed it on her belly, and whispered, "Baby, this is your Aunt Xu Yan. Come, say hello."
In the darkness, a smile appeared on Qiao Lin's face. Xu Yan thought she could really feel something moving—a tiny wave softly crashing against her palm. She withdrew her hand and said to Qiao Lin, "Let's go."
Xu Yan crouched down, holding her stomach. The bright sun was shining, and the legs of the people around her were moving as they jumped over the bar. "Jump, jump quickly!" someone shouted at her. She used all her strength to stand up, the bar getting closer and closer, when someone grabbed her… She felt like she was in the car, Qiao Lin’s voice passing over her head, "Driver, please go faster." She felt at ease and closed her eyes.
Xu Yan had already forgotten that her last name used to be Qiao. In fact, she had used that surname for fifteen years.
When she got her ID card, she changed it to her grandmother's surname. Her grandmother had said, "I might die next year, and you’ll have to go back to your parents. If that happens, you can change your last name back to Qiao." Ever since Xu Yan could remember, her grandmother had been saying she was going to die, but she lived for many more years, until Xu Yan finished college in Beijing.
When Xu Yan was born, everyone who heard her cry was terrified. It was supposed to be silent—no need to wash her, just put her in a small jar and bury her on a hill outside the city. Her father had already picked the spot, a bit away from the family grave because a stillborn's spirit could bring bad luck.
When her mother was seven months pregnant, they performed an induced labor. It was said they injected a toxic fluid through the amniotic sac into the baby's brain. But maybe the doctor missed, or the dose was too small because she was born alive and cried loudly. All the babies in the hospital combined couldn’t match her volume. Her grandmother said she found her by following the sound of her cries. The operating room was empty, and she was left on the surgical table. Maybe they still had some hope in the poison, thinking it might work later and save them from injecting it directly into her soft spot.
Her grandmother gave some money to the nurse and wrapped her in a blanket, carrying her away. It was a clear early summer night, the sky full of stars. Her grandmother ran all the way to another hospital and watched as the doctor placed her in an incubator. "Stop crying now, you sleep for a while, and I’ll sleep for a while too, okay?" her grandmother said. She spent Xu Yan’s first night of life on a chair outside the intensive care unit.
Xu Yan ordered a hot pot with two flavors, turning the spicy side toward Qiao Lin. Qiao Lin only ate a little mushroom; her chin was more swollen, and the bruise at the corner of her mouth had turned purple.
"How did the fight start?" Xu Yan asked. Qiao Lin replied, "Dad was shouting in the family planning office, and when the security guards tried to remove him, they got into a scuffle. Somehow, someone pushed me, and I hit the door." Xu Yan sighed, "What’s the point of coming all the way to Beijing?" Qiao Lin said, "I just wanted to see you." Xu Yan asked, "What about them? Why didn’t you try to stop them?" Qiao Lin explained, "A trip to Beijing might help them feel better. At home, they fight all the time. Last time, Dad almost set the house on fire. Besides, there's a lawyer named Wang who's interested in our case and said he could help us get in touch with the 'Legal Focus' TV program to see if they could do an interview." Xu Yan responded, "Haven't you done enough interviews? What good will it do?" Qiao Lin said, "That show has a lot of influence. Several cases like ours were resolved after being featured." Xu Yan asked, "Will you be interviewed too? With your big belly? Don’t you feel ashamed?" Qiao Lin lowered her eyes and picked up some lamb soaked in blood, throwing it into the pot.
After a while, Qiao Lin quietly asked, "Do you have any connections at the TV station who could help?" Xu Yan replied, "I don’t even know everyone at my own channel. The station has been laying people off recently; I might be out of a job tomorrow." She looked at Qiao Lin and asked, "Did Mom and Dad send you?" Qiao Lin shook her head, "I really just wanted to see you."
Xu Yan didn’t say anything. Looking past Qiao Lin’s shoulder, she saw the nightmare that had been chasing her for many years—petitioning, demanding justice. Her father's eyes, dried out like insect specimens, and her mother’s increasingly sharp voice. Of course, Xu Yan had no right to despise them, because she was their nightmare.
Her father, Qiao Jianbin, had been a high school teacher but was fired for violating the one-child policy. He felt it was unfair since his wife, Wang Yazhen, had gotten pregnant accidentally after a failed IUD insertion, and she had rheumatic heart disease. Several hospitals refused to perform the abortion, and it wasn't until seven months into the pregnancy that the central hospital finally accepted her case. They sought the Family Planning Commission to have Qiao Jianbin’s job reinstated, but the commission said that as long as the child survived, the violation stood. The child survived, but not because they wanted her to. The couple started petitioning, reaching out to various people, and sending gifts, but in the end, they didn’t even receive compensation.
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