Through the glass window, Xu Yan watched them walk back in the direction they had come from, with Qiao Lin seemingly saying something. Feeling irritated, Xu Yan watched the boy making coffee, folding her receipt into small squares and then unfolding it again.
Qiao Lin might have done it on purpose. With Lawyer Wang refusing to help her, she was panicking and probably thought Shen Haoming might be able to help, so she wanted to talk to him. Annoyed, Xu Yan tore the receipt in half with a sharp tug.
The boy making the coffee picked up the torn receipt, carefully trying to figure out what drink was on it. "Didn’t you get any basic training?" Xu Yan asked angrily. She set the coffee on the table, pulled out a chair, and sat down. What could Qiao Lin be saying to Shen Haoming? And if things were exposed, how would she explain it? Her mind went blank; she couldn’t think of any excuse. She kept pressing the buttons on her phone, watching the time change.
They finally returned. Qiao Lin didn’t sit down; she just glanced at Xu Yan and said, "I’m going to make another phone call." Xu Yan looked at Shen Haoming, trying to read something from his expression, but he was focused on his phone. Xu Yan nudged his arm and handed him the coffee on the table. He took a sip and frowned, "This tastes terrible." When Qiao Lin returned, her face was still tense. She took a couple of sips of water and sat there staring blankly at her cup. Shen Haoming looked at the snow outside and said to Xu Yan, "You shouldn’t drive. I’ll have the driver pick you both up."
The car arrived, and they got in. Shen Haoming retrieved the items he had bought for Qiao Lin from the children’s clothing store and placed them in the trunk. He leaned in through the car window and said to Qiao Lin, "Cousin, if you’re not leaving in the next few days, come over to my place and hang out." Qiao Lin nodded, watching him as he walked away and got into his car. "He’s really nice," Qiao Lin said to Xu Yan.
They didn’t talk on the way back. The driver took a detour to refuel. The engine was turned off, and the music on the radio stopped. Qiao Lin stared out the window at the falling snow and said, "I’m going back tomorrow." Xu Yan simply replied, "Okay."
The sun moved away from overhead, and the wind stirred the surface of the lake, bringing up the scent of water. The boat gradually awoke from its midday slumber, starting to drift slightly. Xu Yan, Qiao Lin, and Yu Yiming all leaned back simultaneously, curling up their legs and lying down, faces turned upward to gaze at the sky. Perhaps they were waiting for the sunset to appear, but that began to seem less and less important. Xu Yan closed her eyes. The lake water surrounded her like warm arms, its pulse rising and falling with a gentle, steady rhythm. The boat was moving slowly, but they had no particular destination—not to the opposite shore, nor back to where they came from. It felt as if the three of them could stay there forever, with no one ever leaving.
It was as though nothing mattered anymore. Xu Yan relaxed her furrowed brow. She no longer cared about how much they loved each other; she just knew that she loved them. That strong emotion made her feel that she wasn’t insignificant. She was one of them, even if she was small and expendable—it didn’t matter to her.
When she opened her eyes, the sunset had already passed. Only a few small clouds hung on the horizon. The lake’s surface was a vast expanse of gold, stretching out endlessly. But in an instant, the water began to turn gray. As she turned her face, she saw Qiao Lin staring at the lake, as if she had been watching it for a long, long time, or perhaps as if her gaze had caused the lake to darken. Yu Yiming hadn’t opened his eyes yet, and there was a faint smile on his lips. Don’t open your eyes, Xu Yan silently wished for him. Because if he did, he would immediately realize that the sun had already set and the boat was heading back. Their journey was over.
For dinner, Xu Yan ordered takeout. Qiao Lin didn’t eat much, saying she wanted to lie down for a while. After finishing her meal, Xu Yan watched TV for a bit. When she went to the bedroom, Qiao Lin was sitting on the bed, lost in thought. Xu Yan walked over and drew the curtains. Under the streetlamp, a man in a down jacket was walking his dog—it was the neighbor from across the hall, the one with the last name Tang. He tilted his head up to look at the moon for a moment, then picked up the dog from the ground, tucked it under his arm, and walked into the building.
Xu Yan heard Qiao Lin softly ask from behind, "Do you think Shen Haoming can help us?" Xu Yan turned around and looked at Qiao Lin, "Didn’t you ask him yourself when you two went to get the phone?" Qiao Lin shook her head, "I didn’t say anything. He asked if I wanted to work in Beijing, said he could arrange it, but I told him no." "Oh," Xu Yan responded. Qiao Lin continued, "He’s a lawyer, and he knows a lot of people. Maybe he can even pull some government strings…" Xu Yan asked, "How do you know he’s a lawyer?" Qiao Lin said, "He told me. I really didn’t ask him anything." She lowered her head, looking at her rounded belly. "Lawyer Wang stopped taking my calls, and the TV station hasn’t replied either. I really don’t know what to do. This has dragged on for so many years; it has to be resolved somehow…" Xu Yan laughed bitterly, "Did you ever think about me? Do you think I get everything I want, that my life is easy? You want a few peaceful days—don’t I want that too? At least you had a complete family when you were young. What did I have?" Her eyes reddened. "It’s been so many years. Can’t you all just leave me alone?" Qiao Lin started crying too, "I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have come to bother you…" She looked up, blinking back tears, "You haven’t seen how Mom and Dad are now. Dad starts drinking as soon as he wakes up in the morning, and his hands shake so much he can’t hold chopsticks. Mom spends all day on the computer, posting on various forums, asking for help. She posts the same thing over and over, gets called crazy and kicked out, then just registers again and posts it all over. I really can’t handle it anymore. My body’s breaking down. I’ve fainted in the street several times…" She stopped, staring straight ahead, as if trying to make sense of something.
The desk lamp lit up Qiao Lin, but her face remained in shadow, her cheeks carved away by darkness. Xu Yan looked at her, surprised by how much her appearance had changed. The radiance of youth had faded, which might have been inevitable, but it felt as though it had never existed at all. No one could look at this face and imagine what she had looked like as a young girl. Xu Yan felt as if she were looking through a second-floor classroom window, watching that long-legged girl with the slightly upturned face cross the campus, walk out the gate, and disappear. Where had she gone?
Xu Yan walked over to the bed and took Qiao Lin’s hand. It was hot, with warmth flowing steadily from between her fingers. Qiao Lin’s fingers were long—this surely wasn’t the first time Xu Yan had noticed this. Maybe on some long-forgotten day during their youth, she had secretly admired these hands, amazed by their beauty. But now, for the first time, Xu Yan realized that these hands were perfect for playing the piano. If they had met a piano teacher during childhood, that teacher would have said so. If they had met a dance teacher, perhaps they would have said Qiao Lin was born to dance. This body, which had endured so much suffering, might also have held some hidden talent. But talent didn’t matter. For some people, there would never be a moment in their life when someone would sit down and discuss their talent. Xu Yan remembered when she was a junior in college and got an internship opportunity at a TV station. Later, they offered her a job. The channel director had told her, "I don’t think you have much talent for hosting. Do you know why we chose you? Because you have a drive to jump out from the crowd and reach for something higher."
Xu Yan held Qiao Lin’s hand and sat down. She felt like she was drawing warmth from it. But the room was very warm, the floor heated, nothing like December. She said, "I promise you, I’ll talk to Shen Haoming. I need to think about how to approach it. I’m not doing this for Mom and Dad, only for you. Do you understand?" Xu Yan squeezed her hand, "Give me some time, okay?" Qiao Lin nodded.
After ten o'clock, Shen Haoming called. "Guess what?" he said. "I grabbed the wrong gift. The bag meant for your cousin was actually the dress for Ren Guodong’s daughter." Xu Yan held the phone between her ear and shoulder, opened the shopping bag, and untied the cream-colored satin ribbon. The little pearl-encrusted dress lay folded neatly in the box. "Should I take it over now?" she asked. "No need," Shen Haoming replied, "The gift box I bought for your cousin will work for Ren Guodong’s daughter too. I bet your cousin will have a girl," he laughed on the other end of the line. "The dress I bought will definitely come in handy."
0 Comments