On her way home, Xu Yan detoured into a hair salon. By the time she walked out, it was already dark. The summer breeze brushed her neck, cool and refreshing. She bought two loaves of bread from a convenience store and headed home. Along the way, she noticed a bar that seemed new. She peered inside, drawn by the warm lighting, and decided to go in.
The bar was small, with only one man slumped over a table in the corner. She sat at the bar and ordered a mojito. The man in the corner came over to get a refill of whiskey. It was her neighbor, Mr. Tang, from across the street. He nodded at her before returning to his seat.
Muted electronic music played in the background, carrying a musty tone, as if something were decaying. After her third drink, Xu Yan decided she should get drunk, something she had never done before. The boyfriends she had dated were all heavy drinkers, so she had always stayed sober to make sure they got home safely. Someone was tapping on the table. She looked up. The bartender, expressionless, said, "I’m closing up. My girlfriend’s waiting at home." He then walked over to her neighbor, waking him up and standing there as he slowly pulled money from his pocket, counting it out bill by bill on the table.
Xu Yan sat at her grandmother’s doorstep. Tomorrow she would leave for Beijing, and her suitcase was already packed, but there were still many things from her childhood to sort through. She dragged the boxes outside and sat on the threshold, slowly going through them. Qiao Lin walked over. The wind was strong, lifting the hem of her white dress. She was holding two ice cream cones, the melted cream dripping down. She sat down next to Xu Yan and handed her the vanilla one.
"I bought a pen," Qiao Lin said. "Can you give it to Yu Yiming for me?" They ate their ice cream in silence. A young boy, about ten years old, who lived next door, came over and stood watching them. Qiao Lin pointed to the ice cream and said, "Next time, I’ll buy one for you, okay?" The boy didn’t reply and continued to stand there. The ground was scattered with odds and ends from the boxes—an empty essential oil bottle, a tin of snow cream, a piece of frayed floral fabric… These items, which could hardly be called toys, were Xu Yan’s most cherished possessions from her childhood. “I think I gave you that snow cream tin,” Qiao Lin said. “I traded you for it with a button,” Xu Yan replied. “What button?” Qiao Lin asked. “My favorite one,” Xu Yan said. “You don’t even remember?” She stuffed the cone into her mouth in frustration and went inside to wash her hands. Suddenly, she heard a clattering noise behind her.
The boy from next door had picked up a kite from the pile of stuff and was running away with it. Qiao Lin turned to her and said, "Come on, let’s go get it back!"
The boy reached the end of the alley, turned a corner, and ran toward the main road. They were blocked by a car and, by the time they crossed the street, had fallen far behind. But they kept running. The chain on Qiao Lin's ankle jingled with each step, and her long hair blew loose in the wind. Xu Yan caught the scent of shampoo and reached out, trying to grab a stray lock of hair as it flew past her. Qiao Lin laughed and shook her head. The little boy disappeared at the end of the road, but they didn’t stop. Dark clouds rolled overhead. Xu Yan caught sight of the lush lilac tree and suddenly realized that, in just this short while, they had retraced all the streets they had walked during their childhood. It felt like a fast-forwarded film, frames flying by, unstoppable. Qiao Lin suddenly tugged on her arm, pointing to the sky. In the farthest part of the sky, a green kite was slowly rising.
Xu Yan stopped, and she and Qiao Lin looked up at the sky. The kite trailed two long tails, like a real swallow. It dipped low through the dark clouds, then soared upward again.
Xu Yan and her neighbor stood under the eaves of the bar. The neighbor said, "It looks like it’s raining again." She laughed and replied, "What does it matter?" The neighbor said, "I hope it rains; it’ll make the soil easier to dig." Xu Yan shook her short hair, "What are you talking about?" The neighbor said, "My dog died. I’m going to bury it later." She laughed out loud, "You didn’t freeze it in your fridge, did you?" The neighbor’s face twitched slightly. "I really don’t want to go home. Can we have another drink?" he asked. Xu Yan said, "Sure, I have some alcohol at home." The neighbor asked, "What about your boyfriend?" Xu Yan said, "We broke up." The neighbor said, "That’s a shame. By the way, when can I try your cooking? I often smell something delicious in the hallway." Xu Yan said, "It could be takeout." The neighbor said, "No, I’ve tried all the takeout around here." Xu Yan asked, "Don’t you have a girlfriend?" The neighbor said, "The ones I like don’t like me." Xu Yan said, "You must have a lot of quirks." The neighbor thought for a moment, "Does liking to eat oranges in the bathtub count?"
The rain started coming down harder, and they began to run. Xu Yan stepped into a large puddle, splashing water all over herself. She laughed. When they reached the shelter under the eaves, the neighbor shook off the rainwater and turned to her, "By the way, how’s your cousin doing? How’s her child?" Xu Yan stopped laughing and looked at him.
He said, "One night, I was out walking my dog and shone my flashlight around. I suddenly saw a woman lying by the bushes, looking like she was dead. I was about to call security when she opened her eyes and said she was fine, just a little faint. I wanted to help her up, but she said she wanted to lie there a bit longer. I didn’t feel right leaving her there alone, so I sat with her and chatted for a while." Xu Yan asked, "What did she say?" The neighbor said, "I don’t really remember... Oh, right, she said, ‘The little one in my belly seems to really like Beijing. It doesn’t want to leave. I told it, you’ll be back soon, and you’ll grow up here…’ Um, your cousin also said that when the time comes, I shouldn’t forget to bring my dog to play with her child…"
Xu Yan began to cry. Qiao Lin had never said she wanted to entrust her child to her. Yet she knew the child would come to Beijing, likely because she had faith in the bond between herself and Xu Yan. She knew what kind of person Xu Yan was, perhaps even better than Xu Yan knew herself—a heart wrapped in so many layers of concealment and pretense that even she couldn’t see it clearly.
Xu Yan looked up at the sky to slow her tears. She nodded and said, "The child will come soon and play with your dog..."
The neighbor said, "But the dog is dead. I’m going to bury it tonight…"
Xu Yan murmured, "You have no idea how well-behaved that child is. She never cries, and when you play with her, she just laughs and giggles. She’s a girl, very beautiful, with round eyes, wearing a white dress like a little princess…"
The neighbor said, "Oh, then maybe I should get another dog…"
The sound of the rain drowned out his words. Xu Yan stood under the eaves, quietly listening to the rain outside. She didn’t know if she could take care of the child, or if one day she might want to abandon her for the sake of her future. She had no confidence in herself. But at that moment, she could feel the warmth in her hands. Something was changing within her. She had more patience now than ever before. Perhaps, she thought, now she had a chance to become someone new.
[The End]
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