Everyone had finished their final goodbyes, and people were chatting in groups.
Amidst all of this, Irie hurried out of the classroom.
I quickly followed him.
"Wait."
I called out to him, and Irie, startled, began looking around frantically.
"There’s no one else here, obviously," I said, exasperated by his reaction.
"Oh, right. Sorry. So, uh, do you need something from me?"
"...Since it’s the last time, I thought I’d say this."
Yes, it’s the last time. There was just one thing I wanted to tell him.
"...Thank you for everything."
I said it with a smile.
Irie looked like he was about to cry as he muttered, "O-oh…"
What an idiot… don’t get all teary over something like this.
"Goodbye."
With that, I turned away and started walking.
Yeah, I graduated with Irie, and I said my thanks. That’s good enough.
I headed up to the rooftop.
To end it all.
The sound of my footsteps echoed in the school as I climbed the stairs.
Irie was going to a local high school, while I had gotten into the one my parents wanted me to go to.
It wasn’t in this town—it was far away.
So, I’d be living alone in the apartment my dad had arranged for me.
In a place I didn’t know, all by myself.
Even when I passed the entrance exam, neither Mom nor Dad congratulated me. They didn’t even read my messages.
I reached the rooftop and climbed over the railing.
It’s so high. If I fall from here, I’ll really die, won’t I?
Well, that’s fine. There’s nothing good waiting for me if I keep living.
I don’t want to live anymore.
Thinking about the future just makes me feel even worse.
(I don’t have any regrets left. Just let me go in peace.)
Notice me.
(I want this to end, so please don’t call out to me.)
Notice me.
(Don’t worry about me.)
Notice me.
(Don’t find me.)
Please find me.
"...What are you doing?"
Of course… of course, you’d be the one to find me, Irie.
I turned to see Irie, panting and out of breath, staring at me.
I hate those eyes of yours, always looking for me, always finding me.
"It’s dangerous to be standing there."
I hate that voice of yours, always speaking to me kindly.
"...I actually tried to kill myself during winter break. But every time, your face, your voice would pop into my head… and I couldn’t go through with it."
"Again and again, I kept hearing you say ‘see you tomorrow’… I couldn’t get it out of my ears."
"Then why? Why are you trying to jump now?"
I hate that hand of yours, always reaching out to me when I’m at my lowest.
"...There’s no reason for me to keep living. Whether I’m at home or anywhere else, I’m always alone. No one sees me—not Mom, not Dad, not anyone. There’s no reason for me to live. I just want it all to end. And besides, even with you..."
"Even if you try to jump, it’s no use. I won’t let you die. I’ll never let you die."
I hate how you, who’s normally so unreliable, become so cool at times like this.
"...I don’t understand. Why are you being so kind to me? Is it because you want something from me? People say I’m doing compensated dating, you know? But that’s a lie. I’m still a virgin, sorry to disappoint. No reward for you here… So just leave me alone already."
I hate how warm your kindness is.
"...I already got my reward a long time ago. I thought I could just die too, but the regret from back then keeps getting in the way."
His warm, gentle gaze was fixed on me.
I hate that face of his. It makes me feel safe, makes me want to rely on him.
"...I don’t get it."
I said as I shoved him.
"Ugh!"
I confirmed that Irie had fallen on his rear, then turned back and said, "Goodbye" as I faced forward again.
Just as I thought I was falling, my body remained suspended in midair. It seemed Irie had grabbed my arm.
“Hurry… grab onto my arm!”
“Just let me go.”
If you don’t let go, you’ll fall with me.
“I will protect you… even if it costs me my life.”
As soon as Irie said that, he hugged me tightly, shielding my body as we fell together.
A sharp, intense pain shot through my entire body.
In my fading vision, I could see blood spreading like ripples.
When I opened my eyes, I saw a white ceiling above me. The smell of antiseptics filled the air. If I listened closely, I could hear the steady beeping of machines.
“"Kotori!!"”
“…Huh?”
As soon as I woke up, my mom and dad, crying, hugged me tightly.
“I’m so sorry! So sorry, Kotori!!”
“I’m sorry too! For leaving you alone! I’m so sorry!”
Both my mom and dad spoke at once, leaving me unsure of how to respond.
But… oh, it’s been so long since I’ve heard their voices.
* * *
One month later.
“I’m coming in, Itsuki.”
After being discharged from the hospital, I visited Itsuki’s hospital room.
He had been asleep since the fall. Though his life wasn’t in danger, no one knew when he would wake up.
“I know… maybe I don’t deserve to be here, but I’m going to do my best to stay by your side. I’ll keep waiting. So please, let me stay with you.”
I said this to the sleeping Itsuki.
There was no reply, of course. But I would keep supporting him, just as he had done for me. Now it was my turn to be there for him.
I bowed my head repeatedly to Itsuki’s parents, asking for permission to take care of him. Every day, I went to visit him.
“Oh, by the way, I found a spot with beautiful cherry blossoms. I went to see them with Mom and Dad. It was really fun. I’ll take you there next year.”
“Well then, time for your massage. Gotta keep your muscles from stiffening up since you’ve been lying down for so long.”
“Hey, I saw that sweet potato dessert you mentioned the other day. It looked pretty tasty. Let’s go try it sometime.”
“…Oh, Itsuki, it’s snowing outside. No wonder it felt so cold. Looks like we’re having a White Christmas.”
“My hair’s getting long again. Maybe I should chop it off or just keep growing it out… Oh, right, you said you liked my hairstyle, didn’t you? Guess I’ll stick with it for now.”
A year passed since I started visiting him, and I became a second-year high school student.
It had been one year since the fall and one year since Itsuki had fallen asleep. Even though there were no signs of him waking up, I kept believing in his recovery.
“Oh, by the way, I got another confession recently. Something like, ‘I love your smile.’ I rejected him right away, though.”
A confession, huh… Now that I think about it, you confessed to me too. It feels so nostalgic. Back then, I rejected you harshly, but…
Now...
...
“…Maybe I should practice.”
Alone in the hospital room, I cleared my throat, feeling silly as my face grew warm and my heart began to race.
“I love your gentle eyes. I love your kind voice. I love the hand you extend to me when I’m down. I love how you become dependable when it matters most. I love your warmth and kindness. I… love everything about you.”
What am I saying? I suddenly felt embarrassed as I finished the words.
There’s no way I’d get a reply, and yet...
“Shi… na?”
“!!”
Right in front of me was Itsuki, looking at me with a relieved expression.
“Itsuki!! Itsuki!! Your eyes! Y-you’re awake!!”
Overcome with emotion, I cried like a child as I threw myself into his arms.
Soon after, the doctor rushed in to check on him.
Though he fell back asleep that day, a few days later, Itsuki woke up fully.
After that, he was placed under no-visitor orders due to some strange behavior.
Apparently, he was shouting things like, “Did I go back to the past again?!” and “My glorious future!” or “What about my married life?!”
A psychiatrist was assigned to him, and meetings with anyone other than family were forbidden.
Once his physical and mental health stabilized, Itsuki was discharged and spent a week at home with his family.
* * *
And today, Itsuki is moving into his new apartment to live alone.
Because of the fall incident, Itsuki and I became somewhat famous in our hometown, so we both transferred to a different high school away from home.
I figured I’d help Itsuki with his studies, and he’d probably manage to keep up. The school’s pretty high level, but he’s not stupid or anything.
I still live with my parents in a house next door to Itsuki’s apartment.
That’s how I managed to get a spare key to his place, under the pretense of taking care of him for his parents.
Now, I’m in his apartment, using the spare key, making his favorite fried chicken, waiting for him to come home.
As I watched the chicken frying, a thought crossed my mind.
Marriage, huh… So that’s something he thought about.
…Hmph. Well, Kotori’s a kind person, so maybe I’ll make that wish come true for him. I’m even wearing an apron, after all.
Just as I was thinking that, I heard the sound of the door unlocking.
“This place is a big improvement over that old apartment... Wait, why are the lights on?”
I heard Itsuki’s confused voice.
Time to confuse him even more.
As he opened the door, I greeted him with the biggest smile I could muster.
“Welcome home, darling.”
[The End]
0 Comments