On the day of the start of autumn, Sun Qirui fell seriously ill.
The old man had been smoking for over fifty years, and when the weather changed, his labored breathing made everyone anxious. Fu Qiao Mu had urged him several times to go to the hospital, but he never did. When a cold front came in with the autumn, he woke up in the middle of the night, struggling for breath, and shakily dialed 120 himself.
The diagnosis came back as chronic bronchitis, complicated by coronary heart disease, which frightened all the younger generations.
The old man’s son was abroad and couldn’t return in time, so Fu Qiao Mu and Dou Si Yuan took turns caring for him day and night for two days straight. Yu Dong Ge and the others came by with fruit and milk, prompting the head nurse to compliment, ‘This old man is so well-loved, even his grandchildren and their spouses are so filial. He’s a lucky one.’
Dou Si Yuan had gone downstairs to buy food for Fu Qiao Mu. As the girls tended to be more reserved, she couldn’t deny the praise, but also couldn’t accept it. Embarrassed, she blushed and quickly returned to the hospital room.
Yu Dong Ge had lost her own father early in life, so she treated Sun Qirui as a father figure. She was constantly busy making soups and congee for him. When she was too tied up with work at home, she’d send Shao Xue to run errands between the east and west side of the city, often bumping into Zheng Su Nian.
‘An elder in the family is a treasure,’ Jin Ning would say. ‘Everyone is worried about the old man.’
Eventually, they set up a schedule. By late September, the air had grown cool, and Shao Xue often hopped on the back of Zheng Su Nian’s bike, leisurely riding through the sunset-drenched old city.
One day, Zheng Su Nian’s bike got a flat tire on the way, so they arrived at the hospital later than usual. The two entered the ward one after the other, just in time to see Master Sun giving advice to a fellow patient over a game of chess.
‘Move there, move there, did you hear me? What kind of level are you at? Let me take over, let me…’
‘You, you, you! Get out of the way.’ The opponent, already annoyed, snapped back. ‘A true gentleman doesn’t speak while watching chess. What are you chattering about?’
Master Sun looked rather put out.
Fortunately, when he turned around, he saw Shao Xue and Zheng Su Nian. He clasped his hands behind his back and swaggered over. ‘The intelligence in this ward is far too low. Let’s go back to my room.’
Dou Si Yuan wasn’t there, leaving Fu Qiao Mu feeling a bit helpless as she followed him. Taking care of an elderly patient was exhausting, and she and Dou Si Yuan had been taking turns pulling all-nighters, so much so that Fu Qiao Mu’s jet-black hair now had a few strands of white.
‘Has Uncle Sun not returned yet?’ Shao Xue asked.
‘Not yet,’ Fu Qiao Mu replied, rubbing her temples. ‘There’s some issue with the visa, and he’s stuck over there, just as worried as we are.’
‘What did the doctors say?’
‘He’s too old. They’re sticking to conservative treatment. And yet, despite that…’ Master Sun turned to glare at her, but Fu Qiao Mu couldn’t stop herself from complaining, ‘The first thing he asked for when he woke up was for Dou Si Yuan to bring him the pack of Chunghwa cigarettes he’s been reluctant to smoke. Honestly, you must have chosen the wrong profession. You shouldn’t have gone into restoration—you should’ve worked at the steel mill next to the big chimneys.’
Fu Qiao Mu was really at her wit’s end. After being patient and gentle for so many years, she could now dish out sarcasm with the best of them. Master Sun, clearly feeling a bit weak, reclined on the bed with a sigh, ‘Such good cigarettes, what a waste.’
That day was a Friday. Shao Xue and Zheng Su Nian stayed a bit longer to keep the old man company and give Fu Qiao Mu a chance to go out and eat something and take a break. By the time they left, it was already dark, and Dou Si Yuan insisted on giving them a ride home.
Outside, a fine autumn rain began to fall.
Shao Xue hadn’t dressed warmly enough. She fumbled and slipped her hand into Zheng Su Nian’s coat pocket. He glanced at her, then pulled the bike to a stop.
‘We haven’t eaten yet,’ he said to Dou Si Yuan. ‘Let’s grab something warm to eat.’
The night food stalls stayed open late. When they saw customers arriving, the owner put out what he had already half-packed away.
‘Got cold, didn’t you?’ the old man, bundled up warmly in layers, asked kindly from behind the steam. ‘What will you have? Once I serve you, I’ll close up.’
There wasn’t much left. Each of them ordered a bowl of noodle soup and huddled up like hedgehogs inside the small food stall. Dou Si Yuan tucked his hands into his sleeves, staring thoughtfully at the inky blackness outside.
‘Sometimes, when I think about leaving, I think about this night.’
‘You want to leave?’ Shao Xue was quick to catch onto the key point.
‘Yeah,’ he smiled. ‘I’ve been here three or four years now, and I haven’t really achieved anything. But if I go back home, where will I have the resources to do restoration work?’
He wasn’t young anymore. Some of his classmates had gone into business, some were technical leads at pharmaceutical companies, and some were deep into academia, thriving in their Ph.D. studies in the U.S. And here he was, still guarding a bunch of old jars, with no end in sight.
‘That’s just how it is in this line of work, isn’t it? You need to embrace the loneliness, the poverty. People respect you and call you a teacher, but the hardship is something only you understand.’
Those who spoke from experience knew the weight of their words. But for those listening, the struggles and dilemmas of adults were invisible to them.
Fortunately, they couldn’t see it.
Dou Si Yuan dropped them off at their door, then headed back to the hospital. Technically, it was his shift during the day, and Fu Qiao Mu was supposed to cover the night. But it was as though something was pulling him back—he just couldn’t rest easy.
The old man was asleep, and so was Fu Qiao Mu, curled up into a small ball on the couch. She refused to use the hospital’s blankets, thinking they were dirty, so she’d only covered herself with a coat.
‘Why don’t I leave?’
Dou Si Yuan took off his down jacket and draped it over her.
‘Fu Qiao Mu, tell me, why don’t I leave?’
In her sleep, Fu Qiao Mu was unaware of anything. She sniffled, snuggling her face deeper into Dou Si Yuan’s coat.
Shao Xue was a third-year student, and even on Friday nights, she stayed up late to finish her homework. After Yu Dong Ge poured her a cup of hot water, she went back to her room, sighing as she looked at Shao Hua.
‘What’s wrong?’ Shao Hua asked.
‘I just feel like life’s so meaningless all of a sudden.’
‘What kind of thought is that?’ Shao Hua laughed. ‘You’ve lived more than half your life, and now you find it meaningless?’
‘Isn’t that just it? When you’re young, you don’t know anything, and later, you’re stuck between taking care of the old and the young. You rush through life, and finally, when the kids are grown and you’re free, you have money and time, but you’re old, and illness comes.’
Her words were too bleak, even leaving Shao Hua at a loss for words. The two sat in silence for a long moment, before a loud shout came from Shao Xue’s room, ‘Mom! Where’s that new coat I bought? I need it tomorrow!’
‘That little rascal,’ Yu Dong Ge couldn’t help but smile, raising her voice to shout back, ‘You don’t know where you put your own clothes? Go check the wardrobe in the living room yourself!’
Maybe life is hard, after all.
Shao Hua turned Yu Dong Ge towards him and began massaging her sore joints.
‘But getting to watch them grow up—it makes it all worth it.’
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