“I can’t take you two anymore,” Pei Shu complained, standing with his hands tucked into his sleeves at the entrance of the store. The dashing young man looked like he was suffering through an intense cold. “I had a date with a girl from my class, but no, I had to come here with you two.”
“Where’s your sense of loyalty?” Zheng Su Nian sniffled, trying to stay strong. “Yun Sheng needs to buy a gift for his little girlfriend, so of course we had to come along.”
“I’m just baffled. Is he so helpless that he can’t manage this on his own? Why did he have to drag us with him?”
“He’s only been in Beijing for a few months, and it’s not often he gets out of school. It’s only right that I, as the local, show him around a bit.”
“So what about me? Why did you have to rope me into this?”
“Two grown men walking around a place like this alone? Talk about awkward.”
“Oh.”
They were in Dashilan, the shopping street outside Qianmen. Initially, Su Nian had said, “That place is too commercialized now, like a rebuilt version of ancient towns. There’s nothing worth seeing.”
But Bai Yun Sheng had replied, “I need to buy high-quality silk.”
Su Nian had relented, “Well, then we should go to Rui Fu Xiang.”
That’s the beauty of well-established brands—they’ve built up a reputation over hundreds of years. Ruining that would mean destroying their own legacy. Buildings can be torn down and rebuilt, but the brand remains intact.
Bai Yun Sheng was buying the silk for his little girlfriend, Gu Yun Jin. They later learned that she was a skilled qipao tailor from Suzhou, a perfect match for her name, which seemed destined to be intertwined with fine fabrics. Yun Jin and Yun Sheng had grown up together as neighbors, their relationship hovering in ambiguity for seven or eight years without any concrete progress.
Bai Yun Sheng’s family worked in jewelry, and with his background, he’d already started taking on design projects to earn some pocket money. A recent job had paid him a hefty sum of 3,500 yuan, and he insisted on dragging his two roommates along to buy a Christmas gift for Yun Jin. When she had casually mentioned Beijing’s famous fabrics on the phone, he began pestering Su Nian daily to take him to a high-end store.
After a few days of waiting, the three of them finally found a day with no classes and headed out early in the morning.
After a while of standing in the cold, even Su Nian was getting impatient. “What’s with people nowadays? Everyone’s obsessed with foreign holidays, like Christmas, while ignoring our traditional ones. It’s all just a marketing ploy by businesses to drive up consumption.”
A young girl, about thirteen or fourteen, stepped out of the Ruifuxiang store, dressed in a qipao, striking a poised pose on the curb. Her mother hurried out behind her, scolding, “I told you to see if it was warm enough, why did you come outside?”
“Of course I had to come out!” the girl grumbled as her mother pulled her back inside. “The air conditioning inside is way too high. How would I know if it’s warm enough?”
Memories from the past, long buried and far away, suddenly rushed back in the cold, dry winter air. Su Nian rarely reminisced, as if doing so would help sever ties with those memories.
But Shao Xue was an exception.
All it took was a word, a scene, and all the memories of her would come flooding back. Her smile in that qipao she borrowed from Jin Ning, her long hair blowing in the wind as she stood outside the school gate.
Yun Sheng emerged from the store, bag in hand. “Got it,” he announced, holding up the bag. “Are you guys getting anything?”
Pei Shu had just opened his mouth to say “no” when Su Nian suddenly pointed at a wooden comb shop in the distance.
“I’m going to buy a comb.”
After taking a few steps, he turned back around. “You guys haven’t been to the Forbidden City yet, have you? It’s too early to head back to school now. How about I show you around?”
The weather was freezing, and being a weekday in the off-season, there were only a few sparse lines at the ticket booths outside the Forbidden City. The three of them followed the trickle of tourists inside, and Yun Sheng, who had never seen anything like it, let out a breath of awe.
The square in front of the Hall of Supreme Harmony spanned 30,000 square meters, and most of the visitors were clustered along the central axis. Su Nian took his role as tour guide seriously, explaining some of the buildings before steering them toward the western section.
The western side of the Forbidden City housed the harem quarters. The three boys playfully jostled each other as they approached the entrance, but Su Nian froze when he looked up.
Shao Xue hadn’t noticed them yet. She looked like she had come straight from school, with her blue school jacket peeking out from under her down coat and a scarf covering half her face.
But Su Nian recognized her instantly.
“What are you doing here?” he asked.
“Our school was being used as an exam venue for an adult education test today, so we got the day off. What about you?”
Su Nian ignored Pei Shu, gave him a knowing look, and ruffled Shao Xue’s hair. “I’m showing these two around the Forbidden City.”
Pei Shu and Yun Sheng immediately protested. “Get it straight, Su Nian. We’re the ones showing you around the Forbidden City.”
Shao Xue couldn’t hold back a giggle. “So, he’s your son, huh? Pretty progressive. I see the art academy is quite open-minded.”
With Shao Xue’s quick wit, she could hold her own in any conversation, and with her help, Su Nian easily won the “father-son” argument without breaking a sweat.
Since they were already there, Shao Xue called her mom to let her know, and Su Nian’s two friends tagged along with them. Shao Xue had come to deliver lunch to her mom, and as they passed the clock repair group, she glanced at Su Nian, who awkwardly shook his head.
“Don’t bother my dad,” he whispered. “It’ll just be a hassle.”
Little did he know, the real hassle was yet to come.
Suzhou embroidery was renowned worldwide, and its silk was equally famous. While Pei Shu, lacking any cultural background, wandered off to see the Imperial Garden, Yun Sheng followed Su Nian and Shao Xue, eager to see the textile restoration area. The sound of the door creaking open made them wince, and before Shao Xue could even say hello, her mom, Yu Dong Ge, spotted Su Nian first.
“Well, look who’s here! Su Nian, I haven’t seen you in months. Come, let Auntie have a look at you.”
“Mom, did you not even notice your own daughter?”
“Of course I can see you, what’s there to be surprised about?” Shao Xue rolled her eyes and scooted over to Kang Mo Shui. Seeing Shao Xue’s hands red from the cold, Kang Mo Shui quickly handed her a cup of warm water.
“Warm up a bit, it’s cozy inside.”
Shao Xue, being observant, listened as Yu Dong Ge fussed over Zheng Su Nian, but something seemed off on Bai Yun Sheng’s side—it was oddly quiet. She sipped her water and, puzzled, turned her head to look.
The expression on Bai Yun Sheng’s face made her pause.
He was handsome, Shao Xue had noticed that at first glance, but now his face was clouded with something darker. Both Zheng Su Nian and Kang Mo Shui noticed the shift, their gazes following Shao Xue’s toward Bai Yun Sheng.
Kang Mo Shui’s grip on Shao Xue’s hand suddenly stiffened.
The boy, barely twenty, had a look in his eyes that was far too mature for his age—a blend of sarcasm and disdain, one that only adults usually wore.
“Aunt Kang, what a coincidence.”
In 1988, Suzhou.
That’s when Kang Mo Shui first met Bai Zhuang He.
Kang Mo Shui was eighteen, and Bai Zhuang He was Bai Yun Sheng’s father. The Bai family had been in the jewelry business in Suzhou for generations, but by the time of Bai Zhuang He’s father, the business was in decline. There had been some hope for a revival with Bai Zhuang He, but it turned out he lacked both business and design skills. More importantly, he was not good with people.
The once-flourishing Bai family jewelry shops were shutting down one by one, and their grand legacy had become a thing of the past.
Bai Zhuang He wasn’t particularly upset about it; he had never liked the jewelry business.
To be a craftsman, passed down through generations, sounds romantic, but there will always be some who refuse to follow the traditional path. Bai Zhuang He had wanted to study literature, but his father forced him into learning jewelry design and business.
He rebelled, writing poetry in secret, but one day his father found his notebooks. Bai Zhuang He watched as his father threw them into the fire, turning them to ash, and with that, he lost all hope.
After a few more arguments, he gave up entirely.
“If you won’t let me do what I love, if you’ll oppress me, then I’ll live recklessly just to spite you.”
Everyone knew the eldest son of the Bai family dabbled in all sorts of things, none of them respectable. When his father passed away, Bai Zhuang He laughed and cried at the funeral, unable to reconcile their lifelong conflict even in death.
So, when the Bai family jewelry business collapsed, he didn’t care. The very thing that had imprisoned him for half his life was finally gone.
When Bai Yun Sheng was six years old, Bai Zhuang He went to visit an elder in Zhouzhuang. It was July 15th, the Ghost Festival. The town was alive with people releasing floating lanterns by the bridge. Standing below, Bai Zhuang He spotted Kang Mo Shui.
At the time, Kang Mo Shui was just eighteen, learning embroidery from her grandmother and had never been around men. Bai Zhuang He, with his handsome face and sweet words, quickly won her heart.
When she fell in love, she didn’t know he already had a wife and child.
Back then, Kang Mo Shui loved opera, especially The Legend of the White Snake. In her eyes, Bai Zhuang He was like Xu Xian, and their story was a romance destined to unfold.
Bai Zhuang He was a true literary man of the 1980s, well-versed in wooing women. Before leaving Zhouzhuang, he bought Kang Mo Shui a paper umbrella and said four simple words: “Wait for me.”
To her, that umbrella symbolized their love, and she believed it.
He began making frequent trips between Suzhou and Zhouzhuang. As an unmarried young woman, her interactions with him raised suspicions. Her grandmother, unable to bear it, shut the windows and scolded her in private: “How could you be so shameless?”
“We’re both unmarried,” Kang Mo Shui had replied confidently. “What’s shameless about that?”
“Unmarried? His great-uncle was at his wedding years ago, banging drums for him!”
Kang Mo Shui froze.
“He told me… He said he wasn’t married…”
Eventually, Bai Zhuang He’s wife came to see her.
She wasn’t a woman who could face storms. Her husband was her world, and she feared the shame this scandal would bring to the Bai family. On a rainy day, she stood outside Kang Mo Shui’s door, gently pleading, “Miss Kang, please end things with him. The Bai family is already on the verge of collapse. What can you possibly gain from being with him? He’s been coming to Zhou Zhuang to see you, neglecting both his family and the shop. Bai Jewelry can’t hold on any longer…”
Kang Mo Shui had said, “I didn’t know he had a wife and child.”
But when she looked down, she saw the disdainful gaze of a six-year-old boy staring back at her.
Rumors swirled, cutting into her like knives, as if the downfall of Bai Jewelry was solely her fault for arriving at such a critical moment. But what did it have to do with her?
Yet, how could she absolve herself of blame?
When Bai Zhuang He came to see her again, she refused to meet him. She snapped the paper umbrella in half, threw it out of her courtyard, and wished for nothing more than a clean break.
“Bai Zhuang He lost his mind when he got back. He said, ‘I said I didn’t want to run a business, but every one of you made me do it; I said I didn’t want to marry, but you all forced me to. I wanted to study, and you wouldn’t let me. Now that I’ve finally met someone I truly love, you won’t let me love her either. What’s the point of my life?’”
It was both pitiful and infuriating. Born wrong, living hard.
They parted during the rainy season, the river swelled with water from the downpour. He disappeared for three days, and in the end, his body was found downstream.
It was a cursed relationship.
Later, Bai Yun Sheng grew up and went to the art academy, and Kang Mo Shui left Zhou Zhuang. After years of gossip and judgment towards these two families, the town finally fell silent once the main characters disappeared.
Rumors can kill.
If you asked Kang Mo Shui if she loved him, the answer would be yes. A young girl, infatuated by a charming and understanding man, never imagined her first love would ruin a family, take a life, and entangle her in twelve years of slander.
Years later, in an old teahouse, she spoke of the past in broken fragments, pausing often, finally letting out a bitter smile.
“He was the one who sought me out first.”
For someone so indifferent, she had once braved mountains of fire and knives for this doomed love, even leaving her hometown behind. Yet, in the end, fate was inescapable.
“I’m telling you this story for that boy’s sake,” she said. “The person who suffered most in this is him. I’ve heard he hasn’t had it easy all these years. If you can, try to help him. I’ve been here for some time now, and once this winter passes, I might go back. Before I leave, I want to leave this past behind and start a new chapter of my life.”
After dropping Kang Ayi home, Zheng Su Nian asked Pei Shu to check on Bai Yun Sheng back at the dorm, then hurried to catch up with Shao Xue.
“Did you bring your bike?”
“I did.”
“I’ll give you a ride.”
As the sun set and the sky darkened, Zheng Su Nian, too tall for Shao Xue’s bicycle, struggled to fit, his long arms and legs awkwardly placed. After wobbling for a good few meters, Shao Xue laughed until her stomach hurt.
“Get off, let me ride.”
A bit embarrassed, he stubbornly refused to get off, eventually finding a more comfortable position. “Why are you so much heavier now?”
“Listen to you! Look at how much taller I’ve grown!”
Only then did he realize.
These past two years, he had been drifting through life, barely paying attention to anything. Then he started school and hadn’t really looked at her properly in months. The winter wind wasn’t as forgiving as the breezes of spring or summer, biting into their faces. Shao Xue buried her face in the hood of his jacket, her voice muffled. “It’s been a while since you’ve given me a ride.”
He didn’t respond.
After a while, Shao Xue sighed softly.
“What do you think of Kang Ayi’s situation?”
“What is there to think?” he replied casually, trying to comfort her with a few vague words. “Feelings are complicated. Who knows who likes who, who hates who, or who’s wronged who? Even they probably don’t know.”
“Oh, look at you, all philosophical since you started college. Do you discuss relationships with pretty girls in your art classes every day now?”
“I’m being wronged here,” he groaned dramatically, causing the bike to swerve. “I’m nothing like Pei Shu and the others, completely focused on my studies, pure as snow.”
“Wow, you’ve really changed in just three months at art school—now look at you.”
“Watch what you say, Shao Xue. This isn’t just my alma mater, it’s also Jo Mu-jie’s and Master Luo’s.”
She stuck out her tongue, burying her face back into the hood of his coat.
“And what about your classmate?”
“I’ll check on him when I get back to the dorm.”
It was getting late, and they were already at the doorstep, so it only made sense for Zheng Su Nian to stay at home for the night. Shao Xue, feeling a bit sleepy, said her goodbyes at the door, but he pulled her back.
“Christmas is coming, right?”
“Look at you being all fancy, celebrating Christmas now.”
“Isn’t it your birthday at the end of the month?” He tapped her on the forehead. “I’ve been so busy, I haven’t properly celebrated your birthday in two years. When I was out with Pei Shu this morning, I bought this comb for you.”
The shop assistant had been so enthusiastic, wrapping the gift in a red box and tying it with a flower—quintessential old-style packaging.
Very festive.
Shao Xue shook the box and smiled up at him. “Is this for proposing marriage?”
“…”
As Zheng Su Nian walked through the door, he realized he hadn’t even seen his dad that day. The door was unlocked, and the only light came from a table lamp. He quietly pulled the cord.
Zheng Jin was leaning back on the couch, reading a newspaper, and the sudden light startled him. Looking toward the door, he stood up, a bit flustered.
“Dad,” Zheng Su Nian said as he stepped inside, “I just walked Shao Xue home. I’ll stay here tonight.”
“Ah, good, good,” Zheng Jin quickly put down the newspaper. “Have you eaten?”
“I have. What did you have?”
“I just ate a little something. If you’re hungry, I’ll cook some noodles. There are eggs in the kitchen; I can make a sauce for you.”
“No need, really. You should rest, I’m just coming home to sleep,” said Zheng Su Nian.
But Zheng Jin still hurried into the kitchen. After some time, Zheng Su Nian heard him mumbling, “I swear we had two pears... where did they go…”
Zheng Su Nian smiled wryly, walking over to the coffee table to pour himself a glass of water. Zheng Jin didn’t care for television or computers; his daily pastime was reading newspapers. Su Nian glanced at the stack of news clippings neatly arranged on the table, casually tossing them aside next to the calendar.
He suddenly noticed something odd about the calendar.
It was the one Zhang Qi had given them, not as colorful as a wall calendar, just simple black and white dates with lunar and solar references printed on plain paper. The only splash of color was a photo of the Qianqing Palace on the cover, its glazed tiles shimmering in the sunset glow.
Rubbing his temples, Su Nian called out, “Dad, why haven’t you turned the calendar pages?”
“Huh?” Zheng Jin called back from the kitchen, “What about the calendar?”
“It’s already December 20th, but the page is still on October.”
Zheng Jin finally came out with a plate of apples that had clearly been sitting for a while. He had washed them and placed them on the table. Glancing at the calendar in Su Nian’s hands, he looked a bit embarrassed.
“Oh, I must’ve forgotten.”
“You forgot for two months.” Su Nian shook his head, flipping through the pages. An entire autumn passed in a blur, briefly pausing at the start of December, before finally catching up to the present date.
Su Nian picked up an apple and stood up to head to his room.
“I’ll head to bed, I’ve got to get up early for school tomorrow.”
“Alright, off you go.”
He entered his room, closed the door, turned on the light, and flopped onto the bed in one swift motion. The house had been empty for a long time, but not a speck of dust had settled. Clearly, Zheng Jin still took care of cleaning. But Su Nian, being Zheng Jin’s son, understood deep down.
Zheng Jin’s life appeared orderly, but it had long since fallen apart.
He repaired clocks, a profession that should have made him highly sensitive to time. But now, day after day, time had lost all meaning for him.
Su Nian had lost his mother.
Zheng Jin had lost his entire world.
When Su Nian returned to the dorm that day, Bai Yun Sheng wasn’t there. Pei Shu was making instant noodles, and when he heard the door open, he thought it was a dorm supervisor. In a panic, he threw his jacket over the pot to hide it.
Seeing it was only Su Nian, Pei Shu let out a dramatic sigh and pulled his now noodle-soaked jacket away from the pot.
“You’re finally back.” Pei Shu sighed. “What happened with Yun Sheng? After he got back, he didn’t say a word and didn’t eat anything.”
“What about today?” Su Nian tossed his worn clothes into the pile with Pei Shu’s dirty ones, grabbed a fresh set from his locker, and started changing.
“He went to class, but I haven’t seen him since.”
It was nearing the end of the term, with final projects keeping them up late into the night, and public course exams looming. Bai Yun Sheng hadn’t said much; he was a proud person, perhaps embarrassed to discuss his family matters, which made things awkward between him and Su Nian.
With a three-day New Year’s break approaching, most assignments were turned in. Feeling a bit frustrated, Su Nian stood at the dorm entrance, scowling after another long day.
“Let’s go. Tonight, I’m treating you both to crawfish at Gui Street.”
Bai Yun Sheng scratched his forehead, about to say “huh,” but Su Nian cut him off.
“If you don’t come, I’ll beat you.”
With a few beers in their systems, even the most difficult topics became easier to broach. Bai Yun Sheng placed a can of beer between himself and Su Nian, speaking Mandarin more fluently than ever.
“I just feel ashamed.
“My hometown is small; everyone knows my dad’s business failures. Losing the family fortune, gambling, driving the old master out of the shop, and the whole thing with Kang Mo Shui. How much did she tell you?”
“She…,” Su Nian paused, unsure how to respond. “She told me a bit about her and your dad…”
“In all fairness, I shouldn’t hate her,” Bai Yun Sheng said with a bitter smile. “She’s a victim too. But I’ve seen my mom lie awake at night, seen our shops close one by one, and then my dad walked away and ended up dead in a river. He deserved it, but my mom and sister didn’t.
“That’s why I’m at the art academy, studying jewelry design. I just want to restore my family’s jewelry business, buy back the house we lost, and make sure Yun Jin has a better life.
“I came here to start fresh.
“But why can’t Kang Mo Shui just disappear?”
Neither Su Nian nor Pei Shu said a word.
Bai Yun Sheng's life was different from theirs. Everyone has their own struggles, but Bai’s were more complex—while they were reading simple characters, his life seemed like an impossible riddle in an ancient language.
Su Nian cleared his throat and poured more beer for them both. He clinked his glass against Bai’s and hesitated for a moment before saying, “My mom… my mom passed away two years ago.”
“We all have our struggles. At 18 or 19, who doesn’t want to make life easier for their parents and give the people they care about a good future?
“You’re here now. Move forward boldly. A bright future is ahead of you, don’t let the past drag you down.”
Late at night, at the crawfish stand, the other customers had left. Only a few young men and women remained, chatting quietly.
Bai Yun Sheng put down his chopsticks and said, in perfect Mandarin, “Zheng Su Nian, Pei Shu, I think we’re officially friends now.”
His comment earned him a playful scolding, as the other two threw edamame shells at his face.
"So you’ve just been putting on an act with us for the past three months, huh?" Pei Shu teased.
In the end, Pei Shu was the only one who didn’t get drunk. He dragged the two of them to the roadside to catch a taxi, but Bai Yun Sheng suddenly spread his legs and plopped down in the middle of the street.
He was speaking non-stop in Suzhou dialect, and the two northerners couldn’t understand a word. All they could do was watch him helplessly as he lost his mind.
Then, out of nowhere, Bai Yun Sheng started singing loudly.
He was singing Shui Mu Nian Hua's In a Foreign Land. His young voice echoed down the empty street, filled with drunkenness, sorrow, and the uncertainty of what the future might hold.
I wish I could return to my hometownAnd be by her side once moreTo feel her warmth and kindnessSo she can heal my wounded heartLet me return to my hometownAnd be by her side once moreTo feel her warmth and kindnessSo she can heal my wounded heart.”“That year, you set out for a distant place,Thinking you’d find your dreams there.You looked around at the unfamiliar faces,But awoke with no one by your side.That year, you lost yourself in a foreign land,With no clear view of the future.You saw the cold, indifferent faces,And wondered just how long this road would be.
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