Bai Yun Sheng hung up the phone and slumped into the chair with a defeated expression.
“Boss Bai,” Pei Shu handed him a glass of wine, “what’s wrong now?”
“Nothing. I’ll deal with them after tonight,” Bai Yun Sheng perked up, straightened in his chair, and waved to his friends, “You two, go ahead and eat.”
Ever since Gu Yun Jin’s contract was signed in April, Bai Yun Sheng hadn’t returned to the dorm before midnight. Work kept him busy, and after so much back-and-forth, he finally decided to rent a place off-campus.
“Don’t worry about us,” Zheng Su Nian reassured him, “We’re night owls too, so what if you come back late?”
“Yeah, right. Every time I come back, I wake you guys up,” Bai Yun Sheng waved dismissively, “Besides, who knows when I’ll actually finish with all this? Living off-campus is just more convenient.”
By now, Er Hei had grown up as well. The dorm could no longer contain him, as he wreaked havoc on their clothes and beds daily. When Bai Yun Sheng moved into his new place, he took Er Hei with him, freeing Zheng Su Nian and Pei Shu from their “pet duty.”
Pei Shu had to apply to schools after the summer, but his language skills were still a mess. He enrolled in a French course and had to rush to New Oriental in Weigongcun every evening by 7:30 for some intense studying. Before leaving for his last session, he and Bai Yun Sheng toasted, giving off the air of soldiers heading into battle.
“I still have to go back to school during the day,” Bai Yun Sheng shot him a disdainful look, “Don’t act like I’m moving to a different country.”
Despite his words, they all knew the truth. Classes in the second half of junior year were few, and senior year would be filled with everyone chasing their own paths. Now that Bai Yun Sheng had moved out, they would have to make an effort to find time to meet.
As Pei Shu disappeared into the distance, Zheng Su Nian suddenly laughed.
“Do you remember the first time we came here for dinner?” Outside, the neon lights of Gui Street were just starting to shine, and the crowd bustled around them. “You were so uptight back then. I wanted to punch you.”
“Yeah, well, lucky for me I ended up in the same dorm as you guys. One of the rare strokes of luck in my life.”
“Don’t say that. Pei Shu and I really admire you. We’re the same age, but you’ve already got your career going.”
“Can you stop?” Bai Yun Sheng crumpled the plastic wrap from the cutlery and tossed it at him. “You’re making fun of me.”
Zheng Su Nian caught the plastic and fell silent.
Guys their age always seemed to circle back to the same topics when they talked. After chatting a bit about Gu Yun Jin and the jewelry design project, Bai Yun Sheng finally asked, “That girl you asked about on the train before—was it Shao Xue?”
Zheng Su Nian froze. “How did you know?”
“You’re unbelievable.” Bai Yun Sheng sighed. “I tell you everything, and here you are, almost graduating, and I had to figure this out on my own.”
Seeing Zheng Su Nian’s lack of response, Bai Yun Sheng continued, “Anyone with half a brain could see you like her. You’ve been holding it in for years, and now she’s off to college.”
Zheng Su Nian picked up a chopstick, balancing it horizontally on the edge of his bowl.
“What do you call this?”
“You’re insane,” Bai Yun Sheng said irritably. “It’s just putting a chopstick on a bowl.”
“This is called balance.”
Still not understanding, Bai Yun Sheng watched as Zheng Su Nian pressed one end of the chopstick. With a snap, it flipped off the bowl and clattered onto the table.
“And this is called tipping over.”
“You’re just being cryptic. If you like her, tell her. What’s stopping you?”
“I’m saying that we’ve known each other for so long, and right now, our relationship is at its most stable. What if, like this chopstick,” he nudged it on the table, “everything falls apart if I make a move?”
Bai Yun Sheng threw up his hands in exasperation.
“You always get weird when it comes to relationships. If you don’t know whether she likes you, why not test the waters? You can’t expect Shao Xue to confess her feelings to you.”
But Zheng Su Nian had made up his mind not to listen. Bai Yun Sheng, feeling the frustration mounting, took another sip of his drink, wondering why he cared so much about Zheng Su Nian’s love life.
The fewer words spoken, the more alcohol consumed. By the end of the night, Bai Yun Sheng had to haul a very drunk Zheng Su Nian back to the dorm, taking ages to toss him onto the bed. Pei Shu helped with the final push and then saw Bai Yun Sheng out of the dorm building.
Even Er Hei poked his head out from Bai Yun Sheng’s coat pocket to say goodbye, as if he, too, would miss the place.
“Did Su Nian drink a lot?”
“He’s lovesick,” Bai Yun Sheng sighed heavily. “I’m heading back now.”
“Go on,” Pei Shu waved him off. “You’re always welcome back at the dorm, Boss Bai.”
Zheng Su Nian slept like a rock, only waking up the next evening. Pei Shu, hearing him stir from the bottom bunk, called out, teasing, “You wake up from hunger?”
Hungry and thirsty, Zheng Su Nian climbed out of bed and poured himself a glass of water. His whole body ached as if he had been beaten up. Pei Shu took off his headphones and looked back at him, asking, “Did you know there was an earthquake this afternoon?”
Zheng Su Nian looked confused.
“It hit around two o'clock,” Pei Shu continued, “It was on the news. Even here, we could feel it.”
It was the afternoon of May 12, 2008.
Still groggy from sleep, Zheng Su Nian vaguely remembered his bed shaking, but he had assumed it was just Pei Shu bumping into it. After finishing his glass of water, he picked up his phone and saw over a dozen missed calls.
He never would have guessed they were from Yu Dong Ge.
He quickly called back, and Yu Dong Ge’s voice, thick with tears, came through the line: “Su Nian, have you been able to reach Shao Xue?”
Zheng Su Nian’s heart sank, a bad feeling settling in. “No, why? What happened?”
“She went with a student volunteer group to the earthquake zone. She insisted on going. I’m about to lose my mind! She sent me a text message and then left. I’ve been trying to call her, but I can’t get through.”
Shao Xue’s message had been infuriatingly blunt, saying something along the lines of: "I know you wouldn’t agree with me going, but we should step up during times like this, so don’t bother trying to convince me otherwise. I won’t listen.”
As Zheng Su Nian put Yu Dong Ge on speakerphone, he hurriedly changed his clothes. He realized now that the earthquake they had felt earlier had already mobilized the relief efforts. It was clear that a group of hot-headed college students, with no real preparation, had decided to rush into the disaster zone. Yu Dong Ge mentioned that Shao Hua had already gone to the station, and if Zheng Su Nian could reach Shao Xue, he had to convince her to come back.
But this was the earthquake zone they were talking about—no water, no electricity, and constant aftershocks. Zheng Su Nian stuffed a few pieces of clothing into a bag, completely tuning out whatever Yu Dong Ge was saying next.
He left the dorm and caught a taxi straight to the train station. The driver glanced at him curiously, “Missed your train, huh?”
Zheng Su Nian rubbed his temples, his nerves throbbing. “I missed something more important.”
Beijing West Railway Station was in chaos. When he finally reached the ticket counter, his voice was edged with impatience: “Earliest ticket to Chengdu.”
The ticket agent looked up at him in surprise, “All trains to Sichuan are canceled.”
“Canceled?”
“Due to the earthquake. Sichuan is only allowing people out, not in. Didn’t you know?”
Someone behind him, in a hurry to buy tickets, pushed Zheng Su Nian aside. He stood there for a moment, stunned, before suddenly dashing out of the station like a madman.
Meanwhile, things weren’t going smoothly for Shao Xue either.
Her decision to leave had been fueled by a rush of adrenaline, and many details had only started to dawn on her after they were already on the way. Her phone battery was dying, and without a charger, she could only hope to recharge it once they found a place to stay.
But where would they find a place to stay?
The group’s organizer was a classmate of hers, Zhang Yi Yi, from the Russian Studies department. He was always enthusiastic and had been the first to jump at the chance to go to the front lines. Most of them were freshmen, easily swayed by this kind of enthusiasm. They hastily packed their bags and hopped on a bus bound for Chengdu.
But halfway there, they had no choice but to get off.
“The road’s closed ahead. Only local vehicles are allowed to pass.”
The bus ride had been a long, shaky one, and a few of the girls were still half-asleep when they found themselves standing in the chilly southwest wind. Zhang Yi Yi, who hadn’t planned this trip well at all, squatted by the roadside, looking dejected.
“What now?” Shao Xue squatted next to him and asked.
“I don’t know,” he admitted, his confidence wavering.
Shao Xue looked around at the cars slowly passing through the toll station. She walked up to one and knocked on the window.
“How long would it take to walk into the city from here?” she asked the driver.
The driver rolled down the window and glanced at the group of students standing around. “Walk? You’d get there by dark, maybe.”
If it had been just three or four of them, hitchhiking would have been an option. But with a group of more than ten boys and girls, splitting up would only make things worse. Shao Xue turned back to the others and suggested, “Let’s walk.”
“Walk? How long will that take?”
“By dark,” she said curtly. “Unless you’d rather freeze here.”
“Let’s walk then,” a few of the boys stood up, “At least we’ll stay warm.”
While Shao Xue and the others slowly made their way forward, Zheng Su Nian was already close to his destination.
He had managed to secure a ride with a volunteer group’s vehicle, thanks to some strings pulled by Pei Shu. After some quick persuasion, he had been granted a spot on the truck right before it departed. The vehicle, with its official passes, sped through the roads without issue, while the people inside shared updates on the disaster. The more Zheng Su Nian heard, the tighter the knot in his chest grew. He hadn’t slept for two days, too anxious to close his eyes.
Shao Xue’s phone was still unreachable.
Meanwhile, Shao Xue and Zhang Yi Yi had made it into the city.
Public transport within Chengdu was still operating, but the long journey had left several members of their group questioning their decision. Some of them turned to Zhang Yi Yi and asked, “What now?”
“We’re going to the disaster zone,” he replied.
“How?”
He had no answer.
Exhausted and hungry, the group became restless. Shao Xue slipped into a nearby newsstand.
“Do you have a charger? Just enough to power it on.”
The vendor glanced at her before lifting an eyelid, “One yuan.”
Shao Xue hurriedly handed over the money and plugged in her phone charger.
The phone powered on with a deafening startup jingle, drawing the attention of all the students outside the newsstand. Before Shao Xue could explain, a series of text notifications flooded in:
"Where are you?"
"Call me back."
"Why is your phone off?"
"Why are you being so irresponsible!"
She quickly called Zheng Su Nian back.
Meanwhile, the atmosphere outside the newsstand wasn't improving. A girl plopped down on the ground, clearly upset, and said, "I'm not going any further."
"Why not?"
"Did you even plan this trip before we came? There's no transportation, no road access—how are we supposed to reach the disaster zone? Volunteering doesn't work like this."
Zhang Yi Yi’s voice faltered as he looked helplessly toward Shao Xue for support. But to his surprise, she was holding her phone at arm’s length, wincing at the angry voice on the other end.
"What’s going on?" someone asked.
Shao Xue hung up the phone and meekly said, "You guys go on ahead if you want. The person on the phone told me to stay put..."
"I'm staying put too," said another girl. "I mean, we don't even know where to go! Zhang Yi Yi has no idea what's going on."
Zhang Yi Yi’s patience was running thin as well. "You were all so eager to come when we started. Now that we hit a roadblock, you're putting all the blame on me? I’ve organized volunteer work before, but not on this scale!"
The group erupted into bickering, leaving Shao Xue with a pounding headache.
But the real trouble was just beginning.
With a screech, a taxi pulled up in front of the newsstand, and a young man stepped out, his face full of fury. The students, sensing his intensity, fell silent. He stormed toward the newsstand, his strides full of purpose.
Shao Xue had never seen Zheng Su Nian this angry before. Instinctively, she took a step back, but for every step she retreated, Zheng Su Nian took three forward. He grabbed her wrist, trembling with rage.
"S-Su Nian ge..." she stammered.
"Shut up!" he snapped, his face dark as he pulled her behind him. He turned to Zhang Yi Yi, his voice cold, "You’re the one in charge?"
Zhang Yi Yi instinctively stepped back but tried to hold his ground. "Yes... yes, I am."
Behind him, the students huddled together, shivering in the chilly southwestern night, looking small and fragile.
Zheng Su Nian steadied his voice, speaking slowly and deliberately, "I’ll ask you one thing: If something happens to them, who's responsible?"
Zhang Yi Yi was speechless.
"I’m asking you, who’s responsible?" Zheng Su Nian’s voice grew sharper. "Can you take responsibility? Can you even take responsibility for yourself?"
Zhang Yi Yi stammered.
"Did you receive any training? Do you know how dangerous it is there? Have you considered the chain reactions caused by an earthquake? Do you think rushing into a disaster zone on a wave of emotion is responsible? Do your parents know you’re risking your lives like this? Let’s not even talk about life and death—if someone breaks an arm or a leg, do you think their families can bear it?"
Zheng Su Nian’s barrage of questions left Zhang Yi Yi speechless, his face red with shame.
"I’m not saying volunteers shouldn’t come," Zheng Su Nian’s tone softened as he saw the impact of his words, "but before you come, you need to be prepared. You can’t just rush in without thinking. None of us fully know the situation in the disaster zone. You need to bring the right supplies, make sure you’re properly equipped, and coordinate with official organizations. Everyone’s anxious to help, but rushing in blindly isn’t volunteering—it’s creating more trouble."
Because he seemed to know Shao Xue, some of the students assumed he was from their school. One girl tentatively raised her hand and asked, "We understand, senior... but what should we do now?"
Zheng Su Nian, still fuming, responded, "Frankly, I don’t care what happens to the rest of you. Shao Xue’s coming with me."
He took a few steps, but before he could go far, a girl behind him broke down in tears, "Can we... can we go back home?"
Shao Xue tugged on his sleeve. Sighing, Zheng Su Nian turned back.
"Don’t cry," he said firmly, and the girl immediately stifled her sobs. "Are you all going to listen to me?"
The group, including Zhang Yi Yi, nodded in agreement.
"You’ve already come this far, and turning back now isn’t a solution. First, find a place where you can all stay the night and make sure to let your families know you’re safe. In the morning, anyone who wants to return should form a group and leave together. If any of you insist on going to the disaster zone, coordinate with a larger volunteer organization—don’t act on your own."
Zheng Su Nian then turned to Zhang Yi Yi and added, "You brought them here, so it’s your responsibility to make sure everyone gets home safely. Understood?"
"Understood..." Zhang Yi Yi muttered.
"Good. I’m taking Shao Xue with me."
"Okay."
The night breeze was cool, and Shao Xue shivered in her thin clothes. Zheng Su Nian released her wrist and tossed her a jacket from his backpack.
"Su Nian ge..." Shao Xue began timidly.
"Don’t talk to me!" Zheng Su Nian snapped, his brow furrowed. "I’m trying to control my temper, and if I don’t, I’ll end up yelling at you."
They had known each other for nearly twenty years, but this was the first time he had been this angry with her. Shao Xue obediently put on the jacket, unable to stop a single tear from slipping down her cheek.
"You're still crying?" Zheng Su Nian had no intention of comforting her. "Do you know how worried your mom was? Her voice was shaking when she called me. Your dad is still on the road, and at his age, with all this traveling—you still have the nerve to cry?"
"I know I was wrong," Shao Xue rasped, her throat dry after not drinking water all day. "Can you stop scolding me now?"
The hotels near the train station were all full, with crowds of people stranded, not knowing what to do. Zheng Su Nian dragged her along for five more stops before finally securing the last room in a guesthouse tucked deep into an alley.
Only then did he finally relax.
"With rooms being so scarce," Shao Xue worried, "where will the others stay?"
"Just worry about yourself," Zheng Su Nian snapped as he unlocked the door with a loud "clang" and wrinkled his nose at the modest accommodations. "We almost ended up sleeping on the street."
The bedsheets and blankets were slightly yellowed, and who knew if they had even been changed. Zheng Su Nian pulled a shirt from his backpack and handed it to Shao Xue. "Take off your jacket and put this on after you shower."
"You go shower first," he added, tossing the shirt into her arms. "Afterward, wear my shirt to sleep and lay your jacket under you."
As the sound of running water came from the bathroom, Zheng Su Nian collapsed onto the bed, exhausted. He fumbled for his phone and called Yu Dong Ge.
"Auntie Yu, I found Shao Xue. She's fine, and I'll bring her back tomorrow. Uh... maybe don’t talk to her right now. I already gave her a good scolding, and if you talk to her now, you’ll just end up scolding her too. Let her calm down first. Really, everything’s fine. It’s safe here. I'll let Uncle Shao know where we are when he arrives."
The water in the shower wasn’t even hot, so Shao Xue hurried through her wash and quickly scampered out, huddling as she dried off. When she stepped out, Zheng Su Nian ended his call and glared at her.
"Can I not call my mom right now? I’m afraid of getting yelled at."
"Fine," Zheng Su Nian sighed, waving her off. "I’m going to wash up, then we’re turning off the lights and going to sleep."
After finally finding Shao Xue, a wave of exhaustion crashed over him, as though every nerve and muscle in his body had been drained by fear. He forced himself to wash his face, barely managing to crawl back into bed afterward.
He had never yelled at Shao Xue like that before, and now, lying in the dark and listening to her soft breathing, he regretted it a little. She had been scared, and he should have comforted her instead of losing his temper.
But he had been genuinely worried.
Outside, people shuffled by, waves of noise washing over the streets. The entire nation was focused on this disaster zone. Zheng Su Nian considered things carefully, thinking that once Shao Xue’s father arrived to take her home, he might go to the disaster area to help.
He had been too harsh with those students earlier. They were just young and full of passion, and he had poured cold water over them like a killjoy adult. The more he thought about it, the harder it was to sleep. He rolled over, only to be startled to see Shao Xue silently standing next to his bed.
Zheng Su Nian’s heart nearly leaped out of his chest, and he barely stopped himself from shouting.
"What are you doing?" he asked, half-sitting up, gritting his teeth.
Shao Xue was loosely wearing his shirt, the hem hanging down to her knees, her damp hair draped over her shoulders. In the dim moonlight, she looked like a ghostly beauty.
"I want to sleep with you," she said.
Zheng Su Nian sucked in a sharp breath. "How old are you? Go back to your own bed—"
Before he could finish, Shao Xue lifted the covers and slipped into his bed. Instinctively, Zheng Su Nian shot up, but Shao Xue grabbed his arm.
"You yelled at me today."
He sighed. "You deserved it. Look at what you did."
"Even if I was wrong, you shouldn’t have yelled."
"I was worried, okay? And when you get back, Auntie Yu’s going to yell at you too. This isn’t over yet."
"Why can’t you just comfort me?"
She tugged at his arm, pulling him back down, his face pressed against her still-damp hair. Every nerve in his body screamed in discomfort.
Running away now would be too cowardly. Zheng Su Nian took a deep breath, hesitating. "Alright, fine... I’ll comfort you."
Shao Xue nodded.
A rush of confusing emotions surged through him, breaking through every barrier of restraint he had built. He pulled her into his arms, resting his chin on her wet hair, speaking in a low voice he didn’t even know he had. "I’m here."
Suddenly, his chest felt warm, and he realized it wasn’t just her hair—it was her tears.
"I was so scared," Shao Xue sobbed into his arms. "And you yelled at me... I felt so wronged."
"I’m sorry," he tightened his hold on her. "It was my fault—I was just too worried."
Shao Xue kept crying, and Zheng Su Nian wracked his brain, his mouth dry from anxiety. "You don’t know how anxious I was on the way here. All I could think about was how to find you. Were you thirsty? Hungry? Did you have a place to sleep? I couldn’t even close my eyes because every time I did, I imagined you in danger."
"Xue," he said, closing his eyes, finally surrendering to his emotions, "I... I..."
"I like you."
Zheng Su Nian froze.
Shao Xue lifted her tear-streaked face from his chest, leaning in close to his ear. "I like you."
"Su Nian ge, I like you."
Five years, eight years, nineteen years. Memories flooded back of snowy palace grounds, red walls and glazed tiles blanketed in white. Staring into her clear, bright eyes, Zheng Su Nian, as if under a spell, whispered, "Since when?"
"Four years old?" Shao Xue gazed down at his chest. "Eight? Sixteen? I don’t know. Two to the power of six. Every time, I liked you."
"Two to the power of six is sixty-four," Zheng Su Nian corrected her, almost mechanically. "How old are you?"
"Why can’t I like you to the power of six?"
"And when you’re sixty-five? Do you want to have a ‘sunset love’?"
Even in such a tense moment, he couldn’t help but joke around. Shao Xue, frustrated, flipped over and straddled him, reaching to undo his buttons.
Zheng Su Nian instinctively grabbed her hand.
"What are you doing?" he asked.
She leaned in close to his neck, her voice deliberate and teasing: "Take a guess."
Another string in his mind snapped, and Zheng Su Nian was suddenly flustered, cursing himself inwardly. "How old are you?"
"I'm an adult," Shao Xue raised an eyebrow. "You're an adult too. What do you think I'm going to do?"
"No," he managed to say, his throat dry, barely forcing out the words.
"I want to."
Being young, he wasn’t completely ignorant about these things. In class, the boys would secretly watch videos on their learning devices, and although he never joined them, he could hear the heavy breathing. In the dorm, he and his two roommates were shy, and their discussions about girls never went beyond playful banter, always stopping short of anything serious.
But having a girl, vibrant and real, lying in his arms changed everything. Those abstract ideas suddenly became tangible. Zheng Su Nian took a deep breath, bracing himself, and pushed Shao Xue beneath him.
"Then don’t blame me for being rough."
He realized girls were not only soft, but they smelled really good too.
When he woke up, the sky was already bright.
The city had started to recover from its initial panic. Rescue teams were gathering from all over, and emergency measures were underway. Zheng Su Nian’s throat burned as he got up to drink some water, his mind groggy and clouded.
There was a letter on the table.
Well, not exactly a letter—it wasn’t in an envelope. It was a piece of paper folded along the centerline, covered in Shao Xue’s bold, messy handwriting. He unfolded it and stared at it for a long time, before collapsing back down, defeated.
As if in disbelief, he opened it again and read it one more time.
His heart felt empty, like the ruins left after an earthquake, while his mind was a cacophony of confusion.
He pulled out his phone and found the number the sophomore in charge had given him the day before.
"Have you gone to the disaster area yet?" he asked.
Zhang Yi Yi, still a little nervous after being scolded by him earlier, replied, "Yes, I sent the girls back. Two other guys and I have connected with a rescue team, and we’re heading to the disaster zone this afternoon."
Zheng Su Nian wiped his face.
"I'm coming too. Wait for me."
On the way back, Shao Hua and Shao Xue sat in silence.
Shao Hua had arrived in Chengdu around five in the morning, and Shao Xue had called him right away. After picking her up near the train station, he sighed with relief.
"As long as you're okay, that's all that matters."
After walking a bit, he asked, "Where’s Su Nian?"
Shao Xue’s face turned red involuntarily. "He wanted to stay behind to help out. He told me to head back first."
Shao Hua didn’t think much of it. "That’s fine. Su Nian’s a responsible kid, not like you, always making people worry. A few of my colleagues are organizing donations and supplies. When we get home, you can help with that."
Shao Xue nodded.
Eight thousand miles under clouds and moonlight. She leaned her head against the window, slowly closing her eyes.
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