On the day I married Yun Sheng, many people came to his family’s old estate. The Suzhou garden, with its carved beams and painted rafters, was adorned with small bridges and flowing water, hidden among rocks and greenery.
The Bai family's ancestral home, after being mortgaged and changing hands many times over the past 27 years, had finally returned to its original owners.
He, the only son of the Bai family, was now my groom. People said he was a talented young man, having single-handedly revived the long-forgotten Bai Jewelry brand. And as for me, being well-matched in family background, this was a marriage made in heaven.
A marriage made in heaven.
Of course, there were also cynical whispers. Some said he only rose from the ashes by relying on a woman, that his first clients were poached from an old benefactor. He would hear these rumors but never argued, only lowering his head with a faint smile.
That smile terrified me.
I often felt like I didn’t truly understand the man beside me, even though he was so attentive, never betraying a hint of emotion, no matter how unreasonable my requests were.
I met him when I was eighteen.
Back then, he wasn’t this way.
1
My surname is Xue—Xue Ning. It’s a plain and unremarkable name, one that didn’t quite fit my status as the daughter of Xue Jiang Pan.
Saying this now may sound pretentious, but the teenage Xue Ning found it perfectly fitting. Back then, I was young, full of vitality, and grew up in a wealthy family. Whatever I wanted, a little bit of pleading would be enough to get it, even if it was the stars in the sky.
Everything, except for Bai Yun Sheng.
If you ask what I loved about him initially, it was, of course, his handsome appearance. But the more I got to know him, the more I saw the ambition and desire burning like wildfire in his eyes.
He looked like a spoiled rich boy, but he was actually a wolf.
What had he lost? I, who had always gotten everything I wanted, couldn’t understand it. What had he lost that could fill him with such vitality, as if a single gust of wind could fan the flames into a wildfire?
Gu Yun Jin wasn’t that wind. I had seen it early on. Gu Yun Jin might as well have been a downpour, destined to eventually extinguish the fire in his eyes.
I loved Bai Yun Sheng.
My father was a self-made man who worked his way up through sheer grit, suffering countless hardships to achieve the success he had today. Because of that, I had no interest in the boys around me—immature and filled with romantic fantasies.
I told my mother about Bai Yun Sheng. I told her how he had picked me up after class in the rain, his shoulder soaking wet. How we worked on design drafts together, and when our hands touched while revising the sketches. I told her about the faint scent of tobacco on his clothes, and how he would sit in class, absentmindedly twirling a pen.
How could it be that in this vast world, there was a man who happened to be exactly what I loved, who happened to meet me?
And yet, by some cruel chance, he didn’t love me back.
The fire didn’t love the wind but the rain—what a ridiculous notion.
My mother, who had been through thick and thin with my father, saw the ways of the world more clearly than I did. She had someone investigate Bai Yun Sheng’s background and then gently advised me, "A man like this, you won’t be able to keep. If he’s being kind to you, it’s because he has something to gain."
If he has something to gain, then let him gain it. I loved him, and I accepted it willingly.
But I hadn’t expected that when Gu Yun Jin appeared, even the pretense couldn’t be maintained.
In all the years I had known him, the only time he was harsh with me was in front of Gu Yun Jin. She was, indeed, beautiful—soft yet strong—and standing next to Bai Yun Sheng, they looked far more fitting than he and I did.
Jealousy sprouted like weeds, growing wildly.
My father knew about her too. Bai Yun Sheng reminded him of his younger self—bending to circumstances but prouder than anyone deep down.
I wanted to make him bow to me.
The wealth of the previous generation gave me the power to speak. I subtly inquired about the master who made custom qipao, and then, feeling victorious, I went to his dormitory.
Watching him panic, my jealousy turned into excitement, and then into guilt. As his attitude softened, as he begged me, I felt a surge of panic.
What was I even doing?
I hadn’t expected that my moment of weakness would lead to his sleight of hand.
The contract ended up in Gu Yun Jin’s hands, and they both reaped the rewards. But he looked at me with eyes so sincere that it was impossible to hate him.
He said, "Xue Ning, I’m sorry."
He said, "Xue Ning, someone better will love you."
Why? Why? When his heart was so fiercely set on making a comeback, why did Gu Yun Jin push me farther and farther away? Was I not as good as her? In looks, in family, in paving the way for his future—how was I lacking compared to Gu Yun Jin?
My mother, heartbroken for me, gently spoke the truth: "He doesn’t love you, Ning Ning. No matter how good you are, it can’t compete with the fact that he doesn’t love you."
My father, who rarely involved himself in my affairs, was furious that day. He slammed a glass, stubbed out his cigarette, and said each word firmly: "Is my daughter, Xue Jiang Pan’s daughter, not worthy of being loved?"
I was stunned.
"Does having the surname Bai make him so special? Isn’t he just a fallen jeweler?" my father sneered. "I’ve worked hard for forty years. When I was young, I was bullied by those monopolizing industries, and now my daughter is being looked down upon by them too? I want to see what this Bai Yun Sheng is made of, and what he’s really capable of."
When I first fell in love with him, I thought it was my personal matter. By the time I realized how many people were getting involved, it was too late.
But I don’t regret it.
Everything in my life has always come too easily, except Bai Yun Sheng. He took so much of my time and energy. If we could be together, I would certainly cherish him all the more.
2
I once heard a phrase: "Destroying your own Great Wall."
This perfectly describes the relationship between Bai Yun Sheng and Gu Yun Jin.
When a person makes up their mind to do something, it’s as if even the heavens will clear the path for them. And since it was he who pushed Gu Yun Jin away, what does it have to do with me?
At his lowest point, my father didn’t let me see him. I only heard that he had a drunken breakdown, that he went to Suzhou, and after he returned, he worked around the clock, negotiating business deals. On the first night of his new shop’s grand opening, he was rushed to the hospital with a bleeding ulcer.
I snuck in to visit him. The hospital room didn’t even have someone keeping him company. An IV drip was attached to his hand, and his brow was lightly furrowed. The schemes and weariness in his eyes were hidden behind closed lids, leaving only a pale face.
By my calculation, it had been years since I’d last seen him.
My father’s investment, of course, wasn’t just to give me peace of mind but also a way to regain his own dignity. Business strategies are laid out in terms of years, and for my father, this was both about showing his power and settling old scores from the times he had to endure insults during his own rise.
But these things, Bai Yun Sheng would never know.
He lay there on that hospital bed, his head slightly turned. I wrapped my hand around his, his fingers were as cold as ice, but I was elated—
After all these years, after so many years, Bai Yun Sheng, you’re finally mine.
Then, his lips moved slightly.
He whispered, "Yun Jin."
3
Three years after Gu Yun Jin left, Bai Yun Sheng started driving to pick me up from work.
He didn’t speak of love, only doing things that showed his care. He gave me birthday gifts, took me shopping, and sometimes, when in a good mood, even cooked for me. But he wouldn’t let me visit his home, and his cat didn’t like me either.
Still, I was content.
My mother disapproved, and my father often reprimanded him. Once, I overheard a conversation between them. My father’s words were harsh, full of disdain.
But Bai Yun Sheng had no reaction.
It seemed as if he had become a person without emotions. When people insulted him, he didn’t get angry; when people praised him, he didn’t seem particularly happy. His business dealings took him to places filled with indulgence, but everyone could see that his smiles were only skin-deep.
People said Bai Yun Sheng only cared about money.
But I knew, he wasn’t always like this. He used to smile like a child while feeding cats, used to look panicked when caught in the rain, and his face would turn cold when someone touched a nerve.
On Christmas, there was a heavy rain. He pulled the curtains and sat down with me to watch a movie. It was a dull romance film— the usual story of lovers breaking up and getting back together, culminating in a kiss in the rain.
I leaned in, breathing heavily, our limbs tangled. He sucked in a breath and pushed me away harshly.
"Xue Ning, we can’t," he said.
That was when I finally broke down. Like a madwoman, I lunged at him, biting his shoulder, screaming, "Bai Yun Sheng, why don’t you love me?"
He didn’t even raise a hand to defend himself.
The taste of blood spread in my mouth, and only then did I realize I had bitten deep enough to leave teeth marks on his shoulder. Lightning flashed outside, followed by a low, rumbling thunder.
He put on his coat without saying a word and walked out into the pouring rain.
I thought he wouldn’t come back for me. But the next day, he showed up, picking me up from work as usual. The car smelled faintly of some fragrance.
I asked him, weakly, "Why are you here to pick me up again?"
He replied, "You’re not good at driving. I’m worried you’ll get into an accident."
This man, this man…
I had completely given up.
I was devastated to realize that I loved him with no way out, like a madwoman in love. And as long as he didn't leave me, I would never be able to let go.
4
I ended up being with Bai Yun Sheng.
Looking back, I often think that if my relationship with Bai Yun Sheng was a game, then he had almost nothing—his only bargaining chip was the fact that I loved him.
And with that chip, he became invincible.
I couldn’t refuse, and it was impossible to refuse. He climbed up from the spilled alcohol, like a trapped beast, kneeling before me.
He said, “Let’s be together, Xue Ning.”
I had spent my entire youth waiting for those words, but when they finally came, I was momentarily speechless.
In fact, I wanted to ask him, I wanted to ask, “If Gu Yun Jin comes back one day, will you leave me without hesitation to go to her?”
But I already knew the answer.
So I chose not to think about it, because what you don’t think about can’t happen. I leaned down, using all the tenderness I had to embrace him.
I said, “Okay.”
5
But it still happened.
What a lively banquet it was. Our parents and friends were seated below, while Bai Yun Sheng and I stood on stage. His best friend Zheng Su Nian sat far off at a table with a girl, and he didn’t look particularly happy.
I didn’t understand why the guests suddenly fell silent.
Even if a stranger walked in, why give her such a grand entrance? It was as if the lead actress had arrived in a movie, while I, standing on stage, had become nothing more than an extra.
She was beautiful—I knew that. From the first moment I saw her, I knew she was beautiful. At someone else’s wedding, she wore a dark red velvet qipao, making her skin look as pale as snow.
Bai Yun Sheng’s hand was trembling.
She wore a ring on her finger, made of white jade and set with jadeite, clearly an exquisite piece of craftsmanship. She took the ring off and, without acknowledging anyone else, placed it onto my finger.
“This is the Bai family’s heirloom ring,” she whispered in my ear. “He gave it to the wrong person before, and now I’m returning it to its rightful owner.”
I looked up at her.
For a long moment.
I said, “Okay.”
Women understand women all too well. She was not a simple or fragile person. From the first time I saw her, I could see that. People thought it was me, Xue Ning, who used my family’s wealth to steal love, but they didn’t know that between the two of them, I was the sacrificial lamb.
I had used all my strength, and all I could say was “okay.”
Bai Yun Sheng growled coldly, “Gu Yun Jin!”
Three words, filled with tenderness, helplessness, and seething fury.
He would never say my name that way.
Gu Yun Jin smiled.
She looked at him, and with just one glance, I could feel Bai Yun Sheng’s hand turning cold.
“Do you remember this qipao?” she said in a voice only the three of us could hear. “You said once, when we got married, I should wear this.”
Then she turned, her hair brushing past my nose, and there was no trace of lingering attachment in her departing figure.
Bai Yun Sheng didn’t go after her.
We were no longer young. Every action had to consider the bigger picture. But I knew, even though he didn’t chase her, his soul had already flown away. I held onto him, realizing what scared me wasn’t that he would chase after Gu Yun Jin, but that he might collapse.
Gu Yun Jin was like a demon.
Her retreating figure told me that this would be the last time she would appear in front of us. But it also told me that she would forever remain between me and Bai Yun Sheng, a shadow haunting us for the rest of our lives.
6
After the wedding, I settled in Suzhou.
He was busy with work, constantly traveling, and could only stay at home for less than ten days a month. During the rest of the time, I accompanied my mother, cooking meals and taking walks.
My mother felt sorry for me. “Has he treated you badly?”
I shook my head. “Of course not. He treats me very well.”
She would add, “I regret letting you have your way. From childhood, you’ve always gotten what you wanted, even bringing the man you loved into the family. But what kind of life is this?”
“I chose this.” I smiled. “I don’t feel wronged.”
All she could do was sigh.
His business grew bigger and bigger. Though it hadn’t returned to the peak of Bai Ji Jewelry, it had recovered most of its former glory. My father grew uneasy, afraid he could no longer control this starving wolf, and that when the time was right, it would turn on him.
My father had fought his whole life in the business world, drinking and smoking constantly, and now in his old age, illnesses plagued him. Just as he was laying the groundwork for the next phase, the company suddenly encountered a crisis. My father was consumed with rage and fell seriously ill overnight.
The surgery needed his signature, and my mother’s blood pressure shot through the roof from the stress. With no one else to rely on, I spent three full days running around the hospital alone.
On the third day, Bai Yun Sheng took the earliest flight and came back.
The hospital was eerily quiet, and his footsteps echoed loudly. I looked at him, my face pale, and said, “Bai Yun Sheng, the Xue family can’t give you anything anymore.”
He let out a long sigh.
He asked, “Why didn’t you tell me? Why did I have to hear about my father-in-law’s illness from someone else?”
I felt only bitterness. “What difference would it have made?”
Bai Yun Sheng looked at me for a long time.
Then, he extended his arm and gently pulled me into his embrace.
“I’m your husband, Xue Ning,” he whispered as his cheek brushed against mine. “And you’re my wife. Your parents are my parents too. This is family business.”
Family business? I never thought I’d hear those words in my lifetime. I wanted to look up, but he pressed my head against his shoulder.
“You don’t tell me, and I don’t ask,” he sighed softly. “Since I married you, I have a responsibility to you. I didn’t marry you on a whim, and I’m not treating you as a substitute. I loved Gu Yun Jin, but now the person beside me is you.”
In the quiet hallway of the hospital, I began to cry uncontrollably.
The man I had loved for more than ten years.
I had humbled myself to the ground, cast aside my pride, and waited for so many years. Finally, I heard him say: “Now the person beside me is you.”
He still hadn’t said that he loved me.
But for me, it was enough.
7
Gu Yun Jin never appeared again.
My father recovered, and we both took care of him together. Sometimes, when I wanted to stay in bed in the morning, he would already be dressed, taking my father out for a walk. My mother, in private conversations, expressed her relief and contentment.
Later, we had children—one boy and one girl. The phase of conquering new ground had passed, and his business had stabilized, giving him more time to spend with me and the children. Every morning, when I woke up and looked at his face, I still felt as if life were a dream.
Once, I returned home late after having tea with some friends. He had fallen asleep on the sofa, waiting for me. I leaned over to wake him, but I heard him murmur, “Ning Ning.”
I stood there, watching him for a long time.
That night, memories flooded back. I remembered our first meeting in the sunlit art studio, where he held a pencil, carefully shading and adding highlights to his sketch. When he saw me standing at the door, he waved me over, saying, “Xue Ning.”
His eyes shimmered with a soft light, and I was lost in them for the next fifteen years.
[The End]
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