As long as there’s someone unhappier than me, I’ll be fine.
And then, one day, Lady Miriam of Haunest, the subject of all the rumors, arrived at the palace to work as a junior lady-in-waiting.
Everyone imagined she would appear pale, with red swollen eyes from crying, as if she had given up on life.
"I am Miriam, daughter of Count Haunest! It’s a pleasure to meet you all!"
Wait—what?! She’s full of life, her eyes sparkling!
Was she someone with the same name?
Of course not. It was the same person—the former fiancée of the Second Prince.
Her chestnut hair, while a common color, was cut to shoulder length, with the ends curling in a cute way. Her dark brown eyes were wide and framed by long lashes. Her lips were a soft pink, small and delicate, and her pale skin was smooth and fine. Her face was like a small, perfect egg.
Though she wasn’t strikingly beautiful, there was a gentle cuteness to her appearance. And, as expected of someone who had once been engaged to the Second Prince, her manners were graceful and refined.
A Countess more unfortunate than me?
Not at all.
She always had a bright, cheerful expression, clearly excited about her new job at the palace. She constantly smiled, seemed to enjoy herself, and easily made friends with the other ladies-in-waiting, radiating happiness.
I couldn’t stand it…
Why?
She had her engagement annulled, so why does she look happier than I do?
I watched her with a lump in my throat, on the verge of tears.
* * *
I wasn’t the only junior lady-in-waiting who was displeased with Miriam.
Before I knew it, I found myself joining in with the others, making snide remarks to her.
"How unfortunate to have your engagement annulled."
"Thank you for your concern!"
"Finding a new match must be difficult. Can we help you with anything?"
"Your kind words mean so much! But I'm not looking, so I’m quite alright. I’ll just take your feelings, thank you."
"Aren’t you feeling out of place at home?"
"Out of place? Not at all. I’m completely comfortable, thanks to my family."
She didn’t seem to care at all.
In fact, it was as if she didn’t even realize she was being insulted.
On the contrary, the more we continued with our snide remarks, the more miserable we felt.
It felt like my heart was being engulfed in darkness.
It was painful.
Frustrating.
Saddening.
Agonizing.
My mind and heart were a tangled mess.
What am I even trying to accomplish?
What is this suffocating lump stuck in my throat?
* * *
"How pitiful, you don’t even have a fiancé! If you had married His Highness the Second Prince, you could’ve been so happy! You really are unfortunate!"
I couldn’t hold it in anymore and shouted.
Then I froze in shock.
What had I done?
What a terrible thing to say.
Just because I’m suffering doesn’t mean I should take it out on others.
Before I knew it, I was crying.
I’m the worst.
"I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry."
I truly am the worst.
I couldn’t bear to raise my head, imagining the sad, angry, disappointed, or scornful face she must be making.
* * *
"Excuse me," came her soft, composed voice.
I slowly lifted my tearful eyes.
I met her kind dark brown gaze.
She wasn’t sad, angry, disappointed, or scornful at all.
She had a serious, thoughtful expression.
Miriam gently wiped my tears with her handkerchief.
"Everyone, listen up. This is a story about someone I know, okay? It has nothing to do with His Highness the Second Prince."
She raised a single finger decisively, and her energy startled me so much that my tears stopped.
"This person got engaged when they were young, but it was a terrible situation. Whenever they met, they were either ignored or insulted. He wouldn’t match his pace when escorting her, always looking for faults. And, to top it off, he had the nerve to tell her, ‘You’re just ordinary.’ Huh? Can you even imagine?"
Miriam spoke in a calm, almost deadpan tone, her eyes half-lidded, so different from her usual self. We all exchanged confused glances.
Wait, is this really about someone she knows? It sounds like she’s talking about herself...
"And for the graduation party, she was given a dull green dress. No matter what, it screamed ‘top of the plain.’ Then, right after breaking off the engagement, he proposed to another woman. What do you think of a man like that?"
What do I think? He’s the worst.
Lower than pond scum.
Wait… ignoring her, insulting her, not matching his pace—sounds exactly like Sieg.
From an outsider’s perspective, Sieg was even worse than I had realized.
I looked around and saw that the girls who had been making mean remarks with me seemed deep in thought as well.
"And imagine," she continued, "if you married such a man, you’d be ignored all day, every day. Every time your eyes met, he’d say something mean. And when he did escort you, even in a dress, you’d always have to jog to keep up. As if having him by your side wasn’t bad enough, you’d eventually have to make children with him. Just imagine having children with a man who doesn’t care about you at all—scary, isn’t it?"
Miriam shuddered and rubbed her arms as if she were cold.
This… this is my future, isn’t it?
And making children with Sieg?
His hands touching my body?
Kissing that mouth of his?
I felt the blood drain from my face.
Absolutely not.
No way in hell.
* * *
"And now for the other possible future. She—oops, I mean my acquaintance—decides to break things off and start working. She does it for a wonderful solo life. She saves up money, builds a small house near her brother’s home, and plants her favorite yellow flowers. She even builds a swing for her brother’s children to play on when they visit. They play together. And then, when she feels like it, she goes traveling, maybe sampling chocolates as she goes. Doesn’t that sound nice? She tries all sorts of delicious food. Sure, it might get a bit lonely being on her own. But between a life married to a man like that and a wonderful solo life, which do you think sounds happier? Personally, I’m over the moon at the thought of my wonderful solo life."
Miriam beamed at us, her smile clear and bright, without a hint of doubt.
Indeed. No matter how you look at it, the solo life sounds far happier.
And then, I suddenly thought of myself.
What does my happy future look like?
Would I truly be happy marrying Sieg, just as Mother says?
Even now, I feel nothing but misery when I’m with him.
Being mocked every day? Ignored? Cheated on? Always having to accommodate him?
Something inside me snapped.
No. I can say it with certainty.
There is no happiness for me in any of that!
The realization made me laugh out loud.
And I wasn’t the only one.
The others around me began laughing too.
I held my stomach, laughing with my mouth wide open.
"Indeed, a wonderful solo life sounds much happier!"
"Doesn’t it, doesn’t it?" Miriam laughed along with us.
The lump that had been stuck in my throat vanished with that laughter.
It turns out, I can make myself happy.
I realized that this version of me isn’t so bad after all.
Maybe, one day, I’ll be able to love myself properly.
* * *
On my next day off, I returned home.
And, as usual, Sieg showed up.
"Hello, Auntie! You’re as beautiful as ever today!"
"Sieg, you’re such a charmer. Wait a moment, I’ll call Susan."
"I’m already here."
Both Sieg and Mother looked surprised, as I usually didn’t come out until I was called.
"Susan, you still have that gloomy face."
"Sorry, I’m not very cheerful."
"It’s embarrassing to walk next to you, so just follow behind me."
"Oh, Sieg, stop with the jokes," Mother giggled.
"Sieg, if being with me is so unpleasant, we don’t need to continue. Let’s end the engagement."
"Huh?"
"S-Susan?"
"After all, wouldn’t it be miserable to marry when neither of us wants it?" I said, smiling sweetly.
"Huh? Susan? Not want it? But you like me, don’t you?"
I tilted my head to the side.
"No, not at all. Not even a little. In fact, what’s there to like about you? Your looks? I work at the royal palace. I see handsome nobles every day, so your face doesn’t impress me at all. You ignore me whenever we meet, say nothing but insults, and you’re terrible at escorting me—actually, I wouldn’t even call what you do escorting. Why do you always demand things from me as if I’m your mother? If you want something, ask your real mother. And in town, you walk around with girls hanging off your arms, and I’m the one who ends up paying for everything? Even a speck of dust has more common sense than you. Are you broke? What do you even do all day? You’ve been an adult for how many years now? So tell me, what exactly is there to like about you? Oh, and the money I’ve spent on you so far? Consider it a breakup settlement. So, let’s end the engagement."
I said it all in one breath.
Ah, that felt good.
"Huh? Huh? What? What’s going on?"
"The engagement is over. We’re not getting married. Goodbye."
I simplified it so even an idiot like him could understand.
"No, no! You can’t! I was counting on inheriting this shop. Don’t abandon me. I’m sorry! I’ll change! I’ll fix everything!"
"No thanks. Good luck finding a job."
"Then, I’ll go for Alice—"
"Alice already has a boyfriend. It’s impossible."
"Susan, no! I really love you! Let’s start over!"
"I absolutely hate you. You repulse me."
I dodged Sieg as he tried to cling to me.
He finally realized I was serious.
His face turned pale as he collapsed, sobbing.
I saw one of the girls who often clung to Sieg standing at the entrance. She gave a quick shake of her head and left.
I don’t think she’ll be sticking to Sieg anymore.
"S-Susan!?"
"Mother, I’m grateful for how you raised me. Thank you. But I can’t say I love you when you’ve always mocked my appearance."
"What? You don’t like me?"
"I want to love you, but I just can’t. Doesn’t it hurt anyone to be constantly insulted? I don’t want to hate you, Mother. That’s why I’m leaving. Alice will take over the shop. Father and Alice have already agreed."
Mother, in a panic, grabbed both of my hands.
"I never meant to hurt you, Susan. I love you. Please, don’t leave."
Her hands were soft and warm.
I always knew, deep down.
Even though she said hurtful things, her hands were always gentle.
And that’s exactly why...
"I know you care for me, Mother. Thank you for everything. But the happiness you envision for me isn’t what I want. Your idea of happiness isn’t mine. I want to love you, but to do that, I need some distance."
I gently pulled my hands free from hers.
Alice, who had quietly appeared at some point, took Mother’s hands in hers as she cried, her beautiful face twisted in sorrow. Alice nodded at me, understanding.
I hoisted my large bag onto my shoulder with a grunt.
"Well, see you!"
I took a big step forward.
It’s scary to head down a different path from the one I’ve always known.
It’s unsettling to change my environment.
But I want to be happy.
I want to learn to love myself.
So, let’s start with this first step!
[The End]
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