“I’m off!”
I closed the door, knowing I wouldn’t get a reply.
My name is Itsuki Irie.
I’m a 27-year-old virgin, a part-time worker, basically what you’d call a loser.
Day after day, I work at a convenience store, constantly saying “I’m sorry, I’m sorry.”
I didn’t go to college and instead started my own business, but the company went under after a fire. All I was left with was a massive debt.
I work to pay off my debts, shuttling back and forth between my run-down, thin-walled apartment and the convenience store.
To put it bluntly, it’s hell.
“…Sigh.”
As soon as the light turned green, I stepped out to cross the street. In that moment, a truck came barreling towards me. When I glanced at the driver’s seat, the old man driving the truck was fast asleep.
Ah, I’m going to die, I thought.
At the same time, I thought, well, maybe that’s fine. It’s not like anything good has happened in my life anyway.
With that thought, I closed my eyes. And then, what floated into my mind was the smile of a certain girl.
Oh, right. There was one thing I regretted in my life.
Kotori Shiina. She was called the most beautiful girl in school, practically an idol.
She was the girl I had a crush on back in middle school. She was the first person I ever confessed my feelings to, only to be brutally rejected.
But what I regretted wasn’t that I confessed and got rejected.
It was that I couldn’t do anything to stop her from taking her own life.
* * *
When I came to, a girl in a school uniform was looking up at me.
She had a youthful face, short chestnut hair styled in a cute bob, and an adorable hairpin. Her big round eyes stared at me.
Ah, right, Kotori Shiina had a face like this too.
“Huh? You like Kotori? Just because I was a little nice to you, you thought you had a chance? Gross.”
The girl in front of me spat out those words with a look of absolute disgust.
“…Huh?”
That face, that voice—it couldn’t be mistaken. This was Kotori Shiina.
The Kotori Shiina who had taken her own life back in middle school was standing right in front of me.
“…Shiina… Kotori?”
“Huh? Are you okay in the head?”
“Huh? What is this?”
Wait a second, I’m wearing a school uniform too!?
Is this… school?
Huh? Why?
Just as Kotori seemed about to say something to my confused self—
“Kotori-san, club activities are starting!”
A club member called out to her.
“Okay! I’m coming right now!”
She responded with a sweet voice, completely opposite to how she’d spoken to me earlier, and ran off with a smile.
“Wait!”
I couldn’t help but call out to her.
Kotori stopped without saying a word, then turned around to face me.
“Why… Why were you so kind to me?”
It was something I had wondered about for a long time.
“It’s not like I had any special reason. Kotori just doesn’t like that sort of thing. It’s not that I hated you or anything. Helping people who are in trouble is just the right thing to do. But honestly, you’re way too timid. That’s why you get bullied.
Why don’t you stand up straighter?”
She raised her hand as if to wave goodbye and walked off, leaving me staring at her retreating figure in a daze.
After a while, I finally calmed down.
That’s right. I remember now, this was how she rejected me.
Back in my third year of middle school, I was bullied by my classmates. They would hide my shoes and belongings or hit me for no reason. Everyone pretended not to see it, and no one cared enough to help.
But Kotori Shiina was different. She treated me the same as always.
She helped me search for my hidden shoes and willingly lent me her stationery and textbooks.
“…Yeah, that’s right.”
Looking back on it now, Kotori was absolutely right. I got carried away because she was kind to me, thinking maybe I had a chance with her.
She probably saw through all of that.
“Why the hell am I having to think about all this while I’m dying?”
I looked up at the sky, cursing whatever god might be up there.
Come to think of it, I’ve seen this kind of thing in manga or novels. Could this be what they call a “time leap”?
“Haha, no way!”
I laughed at my own theory as I headed home.
I spent the day wondering when this near-death experience would end.
When I woke up, I changed into my school uniform and went to school. I found myself repeating the routine I used to follow more than ten years ago.
Right, I was in Class 3-2.
Relying on my faint memories, I arrived at the classroom, and what I saw there was unbelievable.
“See? Risa was right! Kotori-san’s such a fake!”
Risa, one of the top girls in the class, was talking cheerfully. She had her smartphone in hand, and a video of my confession to Kotori was playing.
So they recorded it…
Kotori, in response, had turned pale and looked absolutely terrified.
“Oh, it’s Irie-kun! That must have been tough, huh? You worked up the courage to confess, and she said something so awful! You okay? What a terrible personality she has, right?”
“I know, right? I’m so shocked. I liked Kotori-chan, but I bet she talks badly about us behind our backs too.”
I couldn’t stand the fake sympathy, and before I knew it, I said, “Huh?” out loud.
Everyone in the class started offering me cheap words of comfort—“That must’ve been hard” or “You alright?”
These were the same people who used to bully me, the same ones who ignored me.
It was at this moment that everything clicked. This is when the bullying shifted from me to Kotori.
Kotori Shiina was popular with the boys, but the girls hated her.
She was a typical “cutesy” girl, fully aware of her own attractiveness.
Come to think of it, the way Kotori rejected me might have been closer to her true self.
The bell for the start of class rang, and everyone took their seats before the teacher arrived.
During the lesson, I heard faint giggles. When I looked around, I saw some students secretly fiddling with their smartphones, probably using LINE to discuss what to do about Kotori.
When lunchtime came, Kotori usually ate with her few female friends, but today, those friends didn’t even try to approach her.
“……Ugh.”
Kotori stood up abruptly, holding her bento box, her face showing a mix of anxiety and confusion, as she approached her friends.
“Hey, let’s eat lunch together?”
She forced a smile as sweet and angelic as usual, but her voice was trembling.
“…Sorry, Kotori-san. There’s no place for you here anymore. Why don’t you go eat with the boys? You’re popular, right?”
“...!”
“Haha! That’s hilarious! You’ve got great taste!”
“Come on, boys! You should let lonely little Kotori-chan join your group!”
“Uh, I dunno… fake girls aren’t really my thing.”
Risa laughed loudly, clearly enjoying herself.
The classroom filled with malicious laughter as others joined in.
“...!!”
Kotori dropped her lunch and ran out of the classroom.
She had shown her true colors, and now she was at odds with the entire class. Even her few female friends and the boys who once admired her had abandoned her. She had no one on her side.
It was only natural.
Everyone just wanted to have a peaceful school life. No one wanted to become the next target.
So, they ignored her. They pretended not to see.
Even the teachers noticed, but they didn’t do anything. They pretended not to see either.
As the days passed, the bullying against Kotori intensified. Unable to endure it any longer, on the day before winter break, she jumped from the school rooftop and ended her life.
Back then, since she had rejected me, I watched her being bullied and thought, “Serves her right.” I did nothing, just like everyone else.
But what about now? What about the me standing here right now? Will I just turn a blind eye again?
…No. That’s not right. She helped me once. Now it’s my turn.
I stood up, picked up her fallen lunchbox, and ran after her.
Panting, I thought, “Where the hell did that girl go?”
I searched the courtyard and other places around the school, but I couldn’t find Kotori anywhere.
Did she go back to the classroom? Or maybe she’s locked herself in the bathroom? Either way, I should head back... As I was on my way back to the classroom, I found myself standing in front of the staircase leading up to the rooftop.
“…No way.”
Even as I thought it was unlikely, I started climbing the stairs. The door to the rooftop should be locked, preventing anyone from going outside. Thinking that, I turned the door handle, and to my surprise, the door opened.
“…You’ve got to be kidding me.”
On the other side of the door, sitting curled up in a corner of the rooftop, was Kotori. Her face was lowered, so I couldn’t see her expression.
“…I brought your lunch.”
“…………”
No response, huh?
“…I’ll just leave it here.”
As soon as I placed the lunchbox beside her, Kotori knocked it away.
The lunchbox flew off with surprising force.
“You’re so annoying. What, did you think this was your chance? Did you think you could take advantage of me when I’m weak? Be nice now and maybe you’d have a shot? Ugh, men are so disgusting!”
Her rejection was even harsher than it had been during my confession. There was a burning hatred deep in her eyes.
“You’ll just abandon me like everyone else!”
“I won’t. Not this time.”
“Huh? Not this time?”
“I won’t abandon you, Kotori Shiina.”
I looked Kotori Shiina straight in the eyes. She stared back at me as if trying to read my intentions. A long silence followed.
“…Whatever. Do as you like. You’ll just end up abandoning me too.”
“Yeah. I’ll do as I like.”
I sat down next to Kotori and started eating my lunch.
“Morning, Kotori!”
No matter what, I couldn’t let Kotori be alone.
From that day on, while everyone else ignored Kotori, I kept talking to her. But Kotori completely ignored everything I said.
It was as if I didn’t even exist. But that didn’t discourage me.
When you’ve experienced rock bottom in life, most things don’t faze you anymore.
During lunch breaks, I followed Kotori up to the rooftop and ate lunch with her. Though, to Kotori, it was like I wasn’t even there. She ate in silence.
“See you tomorrow, Kotori!”
And so, every day after class, when we headed home, I made sure to say, “See you tomorrow,” to Kotori.
Well, she always ignored me.
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