In my heart, Xiao Yi Han is guilty of three great sins. The first is that he was the most unreliable master in the world.
Strictly speaking, Xiao Yi Han never taught me a single spell.
After sending me to the Xian Ling Sect academy, he left me to my own devices. While other masters taught their disciples how to ride swords to school, I was left trudging an hour’s walk up the mountain with my book basket on my back. Xiao Yi Han never even asked about it.
It wasn’t until the academy instructor took pity on me that I finally learned the art of sword flight.
The first time I flew my sword back to the courtyard, I felt a faint sense of anticipation, hoping my master would regard me differently, perhaps even with pride. But not only did Xiao Yi Han fail to treat me differently—he didn’t even look at me properly. All he noticed was that I’d returned earlier than usual, which meant I could accompany him for a drink.
For the first time, I was so disappointed that I refused him sullenly.
Later, the other masters began taking their disciples out for training trips beyond the mountains, each lasting a month. During these breaks from the academy, I had nowhere to go but back to the courtyard.
One such day, I spent the whole time washing clothes, while Xiao Yi Han lounged in a chair in the courtyard, basking in the sun. Only when I was nearly finished hanging the laundry did he lazily tease me from behind:
“My disciple is always so diligent. When you finally take on a disciple of your own and leave the sect, I’ll truly be reluctant to let you go.”
“I don’t want to leave the sect.”
“Oh? And why is that?”
“The other disciples who came here to cultivate all come from noble families. I’m the only one who was a beggar. During class, I sit with them, but after class, I can’t fit in. I think Master must feel the same.”
“Me?” Xiao Yi Han turned lazily in his chair, one arm hanging limply over the edge like a cat. With a faint smile, he asked, “How am I the same as you, little wretch?”
“Master is also alone.”
Xiao Yi Han didn’t respond.
“When you drink, Master, you drink alone if I don’t join you. When you stay in the courtyard, you’re alone if I’m not there. You’re lonely and have no one to rely on, just like me. That’s why I want to stay with you, Master. I don’t want to leave the sect.”
A single mountain, a single courtyard—just the two of us living there. To my young, naïve self, this felt like mutual reliance, as close as family could be.
“You want to stay with me?”
After hanging the last piece of clothing, I walked over to Xiao Yi Han’s side. “Yes. I’ll stay with Master, and Master will stay with me. That way, neither of us will ever be lonely.”
Looking back now, those words were painfully earnest, the kind of heartfelt sentiment only an innocent, sincere child could express. But Xiao Yi Han’s response, after a long silence, was to yawn:
“Even if you say that, I still don’t want to teach you cultivation.”
I asked him, “Is it because I’m too dull and untalented to learn cultivation? Was that why Master took me in that day? Just because… I was pitiful?”
Xiao Yi Han lazily glanced at me. “It’s just because… I didn’t feel like teaching.”
He said it so indifferently, with no thought to how he was trampling on a child’s earnest desire to learn and grow.
But even then, I didn’t resent him. I was devoted to him, tolerant of him—like an obedient little dog he had raised.
Thinking back on those days now, I feel a surge of blood-boiling hatred.
Looking at the Xiao Yi Han before me, as careless and insufferable as ever, I curled my lips into a sinister, twisted smile. “How coincidental. I’ve also kept Master firmly in my heart. For these eighty years since you left, in every dawn and dusk, I haven’t dared to forget you.”
Once an earnest, naive child quietly swallowing his neglect and abuse, now I’m here to step on his face and reclaim all the grievances I endured.
I sheathed my sword and sat down across from him. For once, Xiao Yi Han gave me a proper glance. “Here in Yang Zhou on business?”
“I came to find you,” I replied. “The sect is empty and unbearable. I heard Master was enjoying life in the mortal world, so I’ve come to seek your protection.”
Xiao Yi Han let out a dry laugh. His bearded face no longer held the seductive beauty of his youth, but it had gained a rugged, weathered charm. “Little disciple, after all these years, you still haven’t learned how to lie.”
My fists clenched slightly, but I was no longer the little girl who blushed and fumbled helplessly when caught lying.
“I truly did come to find you,” I said, fixing my gaze on him. “Ever since Master left, a single wish has weighed heavily on my heart. Over the years, it has grown into an obsession. I’ve tried countless ways to break it, but none have succeeded. So, I’ve come to seek Master’s help, to ask that you release me from this obsession.”
“Oh? And what obsession is that, which only I can break?”
I answered plainly, “I want you, Master, to die.”
Xiao Yi Han’s eyes darkened. “My disciple hates me.”
“Yes,” I said, enunciating every word. “I hate you to the bone.”
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