Even though I had interrupted him, I knew exactly what Chen Qiao Luo had wanted to say. That kiss on the soccer field flashed through my mind. Perhaps I should have realized long ago how he felt about me. I just didn’t want to face it. I liked Gu Yu, and to me, Chen Qiao Luo had always been just a friend.
I feared that once certain things were said out loud, there would be no going back. But now, isn’t it the same? Chen Qiao Luo and I have already reached a point where there’s no return. I smiled bitterly to myself as the sadness spread through my heart.
I didn’t know what the relationship between Chen Qiao Luo and Lei Zi was like now. Ever since that night, I’d been avoiding Chen Qiao Luo, consciously or not.
It was as if he sensed my avoidance. He never initiated contact, and even when we bumped into each other in the school corridors, he only hesitated to speak, never stopping me outright.
Li Zi asked me what had happened between me and Chen Qiao Luo. Even she could sense that something was wrong between us.
But I simply shook my head and didn’t answer. The matters between me and Chen Qiao Luo were not meant for anyone else to know.
It was as if we had become strangers. Strangers who knew each other better than anyone else.
* * *
In November, the school held its annual sports meet. A month had passed since that night. During this time, Chen Qiao Luo and I had no contact, as if we had silently agreed to stay out of each other’s lives.
Yet, sometimes I still dreamed of him. In my dreams, a thick fog surrounded us. Chen Qiao Luo stood not far away, his back turned to me. His silhouette was lonely and forlorn. He kept walking forward, no matter how much I shouted after him, he never looked back.
I woke up from that dream, drenched in cold sweat at three in the morning.
I realized then that one day, I might lose Chen Qiao Luo completely. And now, I was already starting to lose him.
I was pulled out of my thoughts by Li Zi, who was walking toward me with two bottles of water. I was sitting in the bleachers on the sports field, watching people pass by as they prepared for the day’s competitions.
Handing me a bottle, Li Zi said, “I heard someone say while I was buying water that Chen Qiao Luo is competing today. I never thought someone like him would take part in an event meant to bring honor to the class.”
Hearing his name, I couldn’t help but turn to her, puzzled. “Someone like him?”
“Yeah, someone like him,” Li Zi replied, taking a sip of water. “Don’t you think Chen Qiao Luo is too carefree? A guy like him doesn’t seem like the type to think about others.”
I understood what Li Zi meant, but I didn’t feel like arguing. To others, Chen Qiao Luo might seem selfish. But I knew he wasn’t. He had sacrificed so much for his mother, Aunt He Pei. And that was enough—only I needed to know that.
I told Li Zi I needed to use the restroom and slipped down from the bleachers. The school sports meet didn’t interest me much—it was just a bunch of people competing. However, it did provide a rare three-day break from the suffocating life of senior year.
I wandered to the small grove of trees behind the teaching building and lay down beneath them. A gentle breeze brushed against my face, and I closed my eyes, letting the sunlight warm me. In that moment, my heart was at peace.
Just as I was about to drift off to sleep, I heard the sound of approaching footsteps. Curious, I opened my eyes and saw a boy standing over me, looking down. I immediately snapped awake, reflexively scrambling to my feet, only to realize it was Chen Qiao Luo.
We hadn’t spoken for weeks. Although I’d often seen him in school, it was always just a fleeting glance. Now that I had a clear view of him, I noticed he looked much more haggard than before. His once clean-shaven jaw was now covered in stubble, and his previously full cheeks had hollowed out.
We stood there, staring at each other, until I lowered my head awkwardly, feeling self-conscious.
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