“A true hero dares to face the harshness of life and the sight of fresh blood,” she murmured to herself, her fingers brushing over the photos spread out in front of her as she sat on the floor. A box lay open nearby, filled with relics of her first love—letters, birthday gifts, photos, photo booth stickers, keychains, couple pendants, folded stars, and origami cranes she had painstakingly made for him.
She had once vowed, “If he ever leaves me, I’ll burn all of these.” Yet, she couldn’t bring herself to do it. A part of her always hoped he would turn back.
“Those promises, written in ink, were nothing more than performances on paper,” she mused. Promises might seem beautiful, but they were never eternal. Even so, having experienced them was enough.
Finally, she could let go. Quietly, she addressed Yan Heng in her heart: Even though you caused me pain, the joy and happiness we shared were real. I’ve never regretted loving you. It was the best thing I did in my youth—you taught me how to love someone and how to grow from it.
Thank you. Because of you, I now have the courage to love someone else.
* * *
At a riverside café, a bowl of ice cream adorned with chocolate and strawberries sat before her. Shen Xi Fan sighed inwardly—despite the years since their breakup, the man across from her still remembered her favorite things.
Yet the atmosphere was cold. The usually composed Yan Heng seemed at a loss. “Shen Xi Fan, are you really going abroad to study?”
She nodded with a smile. “Yes, I’m leaving. Is there something you need?”
A faint bitterness spread across his lips as he asked hesitantly, “Do you still hate me? Or blame me? I’ll just ask… can you give me another chance? I’ll wait, no matter how long it takes.”
“I’m sorry,” she replied with difficulty. “There’s no possibility for us anymore.”
Finally, she said what had been in her heart for so long.
A weary look overtook his face. She looked him in the eyes and repeated, “I’m sorry.”
Inwardly, she cursed herself. It takes courage to refuse someone, she thought, and that’s something I’ve never been good at. She had always avoided saying “I’m sorry,” knowing how deeply it could hurt someone. She had tasted that pain before and didn’t want to inflict it on someone else.
Lowering her gaze, she continued, “I don’t hate you, actually. I used to ask myself whether I hated or loved you more. I asked myself this for years, and now I finally understand—without love, there’s no hate. Yan Heng, did you know? I always felt so far away from you, constantly chasing after your shadow. I was so insignificant before you. But now… now I can look at you calmly, so—”
“You don’t need to say more,” he interrupted, his voice heavy with bitterness. “If anyone should apologize, it’s me. I brought this upon myself. Even now, I know I have no right to ask you to come back to me. But I know how I feel. Three years ago, when I was in the U.S., I deeply regretted my choices. I wanted to gamble on this one chance, but I overestimated my place in your heart.”
Shen Xi Fan gave a bitter smile. “Let’s not dwell on the past.”
He smiled faintly, unsure of what else to say. “Alright, no more talk of the past.”
He stood up to pay the bill. When he returned, she was gone. On the table lay a note:
As the blossoms of the night fade, I will journey far away.For you, I leave a lantern of my heart, reluctant in parting.From now on, meeting again will never compare to remembering.
His eyes trembled, the corners damp with unspoken regret and self-mockery. In my youth, I failed her. When I turned back, she was no longer there.
This, perhaps, was the best ending. All he could hope for now was her happiness. He had walked too far ahead, and she could not wait for him forever. He had known this all along. His only regret was failing to cherish her, watching happiness slip through his fingers.
So they would become the most familiar of strangers.
From now on, meeting again will never compare to remembering.
I once loved her, and I still do. I’ve never regretted it. It was the best thing I ever did—to have someone so deeply in love with me during her most precious years.
Now, he would carry her memory in his heart, silently cherishing it. No matter how dark the night, it would keep him from feeling alone.
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