On Secret Crushes
It was a weekend night during Su Wan’s final year of high school.
Unable to suppress the feelings in her heart any longer, Su Wan confessed to him—over the phone.
She stammered, “I-I-I-I…”
The other end of the line was silent.
Finally, she managed to get the words out clearly: “I like you.”
As soon as she said it, however, she froze, her eyes wide with shock, her face turning beet red. She didn’t even wait for a response before panicking and hanging up the phone. Sitting there clutching her phone, she gasped for air as though she were about to die.
She had said it.
She had confessed her feelings to Li Chengran, her secret crush of three years.
Gripping her hair in frustration, Su Wan muttered through gritted teeth, “Why did I hang up? Why did I hang up? Ugh, I’m such an idiot!” She hadn’t even waited for an answer. She’d finally worked up the courage to take the first step, yet she couldn’t follow through. It was like a soldier charging into battle, firing a single shot, then throwing down their helmet and running away.
What kind of behavior was that?
She tossed and turned all night and showed up to school the next day with dark circles under her eyes.
Li Chengran had the same route to school as her. About a hundred meters from the school gate, Su Wan spotted him at a breakfast stall buying steamed buns.
Her head, which had been drooping all morning, suddenly lifted, and her spirits brightened. But her body froze in place, refusing to move.
Li Chengran turned around with the buns in hand, and their eyes met.
It was as if the spell immobilizing her had been broken. Su Wan quickly dropped her head, her face flushing bright red, and sprinted through the school gates as though she were running a hundred-meter dash, not daring to look back at him.
But eventually, they were bound to meet again—they were classmates, after all.
Su Wan confided in her best friend, Wang Xin, about her confession. Wang Xin looked at her in shock. “Are you crazy? It’s senior year!”
Su Wan felt guilty. “I just couldn’t hold it in. Do you think… Do you think I’ve distracted him and ruined his focus on studying?”
Wang Xin glanced at Li Chengran, who was sitting a few rows ahead, quietly memorizing vocabulary. Su Wan tilted her head to look too and felt a bit wronged. “But he doesn’t seem… all that distracted.”
Wang Xin patted her chest. “I’ll ask him what he thinks after class.”
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