When I opened my eyes again, daylight had already filled the room.
“Huihui, time to wake up.” It was Hao Yi’s gentle voice, paired with a kiss, that became my morning alarm.
Half-asleep, I gazed at his slightly curved eyes and felt his warm breath. It felt just like every other peaceful weekend morning we’d shared in the past, as if filtered through a nostalgic lens. My mind, still groggy, drifted aimlessly: Is today Sunday? Should I head to the kitchen to make scrambled eggs? Maybe we’ll watch a movie together this afternoon...
But the next moment, I caught sight of the unfamiliar wallpaper on the walls, and reality returned—I was in Shanghai.
“Your flight is at 12:30, right?” Hao Yi asked with concern. “Did you sleep well?”
I sat up, dazed, unable to recall how I had fallen asleep the night before. Was it sheer exhaustion from travel? Or had I succumbed to loneliness after too much wine? The more I tried to piece it together, the more my thoughts blurred.
“When did you come back? Why didn’t you wake me?” I asked, puzzled.
“I got back at two in the morning. Since you’re flying back today, I wanted to let you rest,” Hao Yi said, brushing back my messy hair.
“I came all this way to spend as much time with you as possible. I don’t need to ‘rest’!” My tone carried a hint of annoyance, quickly replaced by concern. “Two in the morning? Why so late? Did you get enough sleep yourself?”
“Don’t worry about me,” Hao Yi replied with a smile tinged with guilt. “I’m sorry for leaving you alone last night.”
As he apologized, memories of the previous night in the cramped dorm came rushing back. The Pandora’s box that was my phone, filled with selfish and vulnerable moments, haunted me.
What on earth did I do last night?
A chill ran down my spine, and fear surged within me, making me want to scream. But reason held my emotions in check. In the end, I could only sit in silence, staring at Hao Yi, unable to form words.
“What are you daydreaming about? Did you finish the whole bottle of wine last night and drink yourself silly?” Hao Yi teased, leaning closer to pinch my cheek gently. “It’s late. Go freshen up quickly. I’ve taken the morning off to take you to the airport. Alright?”
“There’s no need for that! It’s not my first time in Shanghai—I know how to get there...” I started to protest.
“Last night was already ruined. If I let you go to the airport alone today, I feel like... I might lose you...” Hao Yi’s self-deprecating remark stung my heart.
I looked at his helpless expression and felt a deep sense of guilt.
“Hao Yi, you won’t lose me...” The words tumbled out instinctively. But as soon as I said them, they felt too hasty and shallow. Avoiding his gaze, I got out of bed. “I’ll go wash up. I won’t take long.”
In the bathroom, I washed my face and thought about the choices I had made the night before. Staring at the smeared remnants of makeup in the mirror, I felt unbearably ugly.
What am I even doing?
I had told myself so many times not to reach out to Chu Ke Huan again, not to betray Hao Yi, that this time I would escape it all without looking back. But again and again, dissatisfaction crept in, leaving behind cracks for my weaknesses to slip through. I made excuses for myself, indulging in small acts of wrongdoing, each seemingly insignificant:
It’s just a meal. Just a reply. Just a photo. Just a ride. Just a kiss...
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