“Don’t get too excited. I’m in a terrible mood today and need a drink to drown my sorrows,” I replied bitterly, smuggling my impulsiveness into our scripted charade of a chance encounter. “My drinking habits are awful, so watch yourself.”
“No problem. I happen to need some liquid courage myself tonight,” he said with a knowing look.
I gasped softly, unsure of what exactly required his courage. Whatever it was, whether it involved me or not, I didn’t want to press for answers. Tonight, I just wanted to go with the flow.
The bartender placed the freshly poured beer in front of me. Without a word, I raised the glass and took a large gulp.
“You don’t look well. What’s wrong?” Chu Ke Huan lightly grasped my arm, trying to stop me.
I shook off his hand, slammed the glass down on the table, and looked at him helplessly. “Just tell me what you wanted to say. That thing you needed time to think about—have you made up your mind?”
“He’s made a decision,” he said in a low voice.
I tensed up, mentally rehearsing all the possible answers Chu Ke Huan might give and questioning whether I was in the right state to handle them. My mind was a chaotic mess. “Is it good news or bad news?” I asked hesitantly.
“Whether it’s good or bad depends on how you see it,” he replied, turning the question back to me. “Remember, last time, I asked you to think things over too. Let’s hear your decision first.”
“I can’t give you an answer right now,” I said, gripping his wrist like a drowning person clutching for rescue. As soon as I started speaking, my voice choked with emotion. “Hao Yi’s father… this morning, he passed away…”
“What?!” Chu Ke Huan was stunned. “What happened?”
“I’m not sure. They said the other driver caused it while drunk… He’s already gone back south and doesn’t want me to go with him. I know he doesn’t have the mental capacity to deal with our issues right now, and I can understand him wanting some peace to handle everything, but…” I stopped, feeling an overwhelming wave of sadness rising in my throat like acid reflux. I tried to swallow it back, but the backlash was too strong, startling me into tears. Everything spilled out in sobs. “...His family doesn’t know we’re engaged.”
Chu Ke Huan stared at me for a long time—long enough to piece together the full story, to understand why I was crying, and to grasp why I couldn’t answer his question. Finally, he exhaled a slow sentence: “I understand what you mean.”
“Tell me—am I selfish for wanting to leave him at a time like this?” My voice trembled as I asked, my entire body shaking.
Instead of answering, Chu Ke Huan downed his glass of liquor in one gulp and slid it toward the bartender. “Two more of the same, one for the lady.”
“Answer me.” I looked at him coldly.
He glanced at me, his slightly unfocused eyes tinged with the effects of alcohol. “Do you remember what I said? That you’d need a lot of alcohol to get yourself drunk—or pretend to be drunk—to truly understand my choice? Now, I know you already understand. You just need to accept it…”
“Answer me!” I shouted at him, tears streaming down my face. “All I can think about right now isn’t sympathy or understanding for him—it’s how he could do this to me! I know I shouldn’t think this way or act on these feelings, but I still want to run away, to lash out at him, to drag you down with me into a pit of no return. Please, condemn me for this! Give me a shocking, terrible laugh and wake me up from this dream—”
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