“I’m telling Meimei about this! You’re all a bunch of scoundrels!”
“Lower your voice!”
“What’s this thing you’re pressing against me? Ah! Scoundrel!”
“No… it’s not… I…”
“You’re such a scoundrel!”
“Stop moving!”
“Ah!”
* * *
Scene Break — A Text Message
“Happy Birthday!”
“Thank you!”
“Haha, you’re replying to yesterday’s text today? Be honest, what were you doing yesterday?”
“Nothing much, just had dinner with my ex-boyfriend.”
“What?! Ex-boyfriend? Wait, wait, wait… Are you saying you and Yu Bing Bing broke up?”
“Yep, we broke up.”
“No way! You dumped a guy that handsome? You’re wasting a national treasure! Don’t be so wasteful—it’ll get you struck by lightning!”
“I’m in a bad mood, don’t annoy me.”
“Seriously? You’re not joking?”
“Not joking.”
“Uh… What happened? What did he do wrong?”
“He committed an unforgivable crime, one that deserves death a thousand times over!”
“Aw, come here, let me give you a hug… Honestly, I don’t even know how to comfort you… Uh, maybe there’s been some kind of misunderstanding?”
“None at all! Let him die! Die! Die!”
“Poor thing… Pat, pat. Don’t be mad.”
“Mm.”
* * *
Scene Break — Begging and Pleading
“I was wrong.”
“Go die!”
“I didn’t mean to.”
“Go die!”
“I really didn’t mean to.”
“Go die!”
“Don’t be like this.”
“Go die!”
“I love you.”
“Go die!”
“What will you do if I die?”
“Go die!”
“Do you want to die with me?”
“Go die!”
“If I die, it’ll be with you. If you’re still alive, I can’t die!”
“Go die!”
“Xiao Feng…”
“Go die!”
“Xiao Feng…”
“Go die!”
“Alright then…”
* * *
Scene Break — The Ending
“Bang!”
“Someone jumped!”
“Oh no!”
“Oh my, someone jumped from the building!”
“Someone jumped from the 39th floor!”
“Quick, call an ambulance!”
“Call 110!” [Note: 110 is the emergency number for police in China.]
“Why would someone so young take things so hard?”
“There’s no saving them—call the police quickly!”
The door finally opened. Lin Xiao Feng rushed to the emergency stairwell, crying and shouting, “I told you to die, and you really did?! You’re just going to follow orders like that?”
Yu Bing Bing followed her slowly, saying, “Listening to one’s wife is tradition.”
“Exactly.”
Only Zhang Qian Zhi shook his head. “Old Nine, you’ve lost again.”
“Fine, I lost. I’ll buy ten dozen roses for you and Fifth Sister-in-law next time!”
“Get lost!”
“Hehe, haha…”
* * *
Scene Break — For Lowbrow Humor
The solemn, self-righteous author: “Let’s be honest, everything that happens on the second platform is a disaster. I just couldn’t bear to livestream such a tragedy, so I skipped over a few scenes.”
The carefree Zhong Rui Feng: “Second platform? Which second platform? The Criminal Investigation Division’s Second Unit? I’m tight with their chief! We were drinking together just yesterday!”
Lin Xiao Feng: “Somebody, drag this tasteless author away!”
Yu Bing Bing: “Yes, ma’am!”
[The End]
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